New York

Preppy blonde on cell: She said she could see herself spending the rest of her life with him, so I told her: “wow, you really need to break up with him.” And she did!

Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York

Chick on cell phone: My roommate was rolling a lint roller all over her head for like ten minutes and finally I was like: “What the fuck are you doing? You’re gonna pull all your hair out!” … Haha yeah… She threatened to kill me if I asked her anymore questions… She probably watches me sleep.

UB Bus
Buffalo, New York

Grad student #1: Have you heard Avril Lavigne's song? The deep one?
Grad student #2: “Sk8r Boi”?

NWU Campus
New York City, New York

Sorority chick #1: Pat* and I hooked up last night, and now I have a hickey…
Sorority chick #2: What is he, in junior high? I didn’t know people still did that.

Colgate University
Hamilton, New York

Overheard by: Evie

Professor: Who creates design?
Student: Women?
Professor: Men! Men! Gay men!

SUNY
Purchase, New York

Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld

Goth teen girl: If you don’t come back to me, I’ll kill myself.
Exasperated teen guy: Why the fuck do you do this shit to me?
Friend: Don’t listen to her. She’s always killing herself.

East Bay Diner
Oceanside, New York

Overheard by: Big Larry

Woman entering stall to daughter: See you in an hour. (ten seconds later, from inside stall) You know… People are gross. (another 10 seconds later) Okay, I'm over the toilet!
Daughter: Shhh!

White Plains, New York

Overheard by: L-Dawg

Middle-aged woman: No, I haven’t read Harry Potter. I’m not really into all that futuristic stuff.

Saratoga Springs, New York

Teacher: Listen, I guarantee that by the time you graduate, each one of you will have a form of herpes.

New York City, New York

Guy with limp: I went up to a teacher and was like, “are you sexually aroused by my limp?”
Friend: What did she say?
Guy with limp: He didn't say anything, but I knew he was.

Kingston High School
Kingston, New York