Unless Our Government Reinstates the Draft

Philosophy professor: I can't say I would rather have M&Ms than strong feet.

SUNY Purchase
Purchase, New York

Overheard by: Seth

Posted on March 27, 2019
Body parts, Candy, Colleges & Universities, Compare and contrast, Default, New York, Teachers

If All We’re Gonna Do Is Fall Down Them

Stoned guy: Stairs are really dangerous!
Stoned girl: Yeah! I don’t know why we have them…

Vassar College
Poughkeepsie, New York

Posted on February 27, 2019
New York, Stoners, Stupidity

Things Couldn't Be Any Worse If We Were Victims Of Nuclear Holocaust!

Jappy milf #1: I just feel like all I do is sell houses. And I hate it. I just hate my life!
Jappy milf #2: Ugh, I know. We really need to get out of Armonk!
Jappy milf #1: I know. I hate my house! I hate everything in it! My life is horrible here!

Armonk, New York

Posted on February 22, 2019
Feelings, Gripes, JAPs, New York

You Know, We Should Talk Less

Guy: Have you seen The Swede?
Friends: No …
Guy: It’s like the Citizen Kane of bad Korean movies!

Oyster Bay
Long Island, New York

Overheard by: tell me what you really think

Posted on February 16, 2019
Friends, Movies, New York

Always a Burning Question

Sensitive soul: Why would I fuck you if you have a rash?

Dining Hall, Stony Brook University
Stony Brook, New York

Overheard by: Slightly amused but scared

Posted on January 18, 2019
Colleges & Universities, Default, Etiquette, New York, Questions, Sex, STDs, Students, Threats

Although It’s a Part of My Life I Don’t Like Talking About

Hipster on cell: I’ve been everywhere. [pause] Yes, I’ve been to Queens.

Hope Street, Williamsburg
Brooklyn, New York

Posted on January 17, 2019
Hipsters, New York, North America, On the phone, USA

She Doesn’t Even Recognize Our Sincere and Unyielding Love for Children

Pre-school teacher #1: Which kids do you want in your group today?
Pre-school teacher #2: Oh, I don’t really care. Just not Monica*. I cant stand her.
Pre-school teacher #1: Yeah, I know. It’s like it’s her period every friggin’ day!
Pre-school teacher #2: Yeah, she’s such a little frigid bitch!

New York City, New York

Overheard by: first day on the job

Posted on January 8, 2019
Default, Education, Insults, Kids, Names, New York, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Teachers

I'm Dating Him Now.

Preppy blonde on cell: She said she could see herself spending the rest of her life with him, so I told her: “wow, you really need to break up with him.” And she did!

Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York

Posted on November 5, 2018
Advice, Colleges & Universities, Compare and contrast, Default, Girls, New York, Relationships, Students, Weirdness

I Had a Roommate Who Bleached the Bathroom Three Times a Week. True Story

Chick on cell phone: My roommate was rolling a lint roller all over her head for like ten minutes and finally I was like: “What the fuck are you doing? You’re gonna pull all your hair out!” … Haha yeah… She threatened to kill me if I asked her anymore questions… She probably watches me sleep.

UB Bus
Buffalo, New York

Posted on October 18, 2018
Advice, Bus, Character, Chicks, Education, Fears, Hair, Murder, New York, On the phone, Sorority types, Threats, Weirdness

“I'll See Ya Later, Boi” Is Code for “God Is Dead”

Grad student #1: Have you heard Avril Lavigne's song? The deep one?
Grad student #2: “Sk8r Boi”?

NWU Campus
New York City, New York

Posted on October 14, 2018
Colleges & Universities, Compare and contrast, Default, Feelings, Music, New York, Questions, Students