Guy to friend: Why do I have such a small dick?
SUNY Binghamton
New York
Guy #1: So how's your women studies class going?
Guy #2: Good! There's so many fine bitches.
Subway
Manhattan, New York
Dude #1: So, I'm trying to get my girlfriend to cancel her wedding to her friggin abusive boyfriend.
Dude #2: Wait! Your girlfriend?
Dude #1: Yeah, my girlfriend. Her boyfriend beats the shit out of her.
Dude #2: Word?
Dude #1: I mean, it's such a waste of money! They gotta spend money on the hotel and the reception. Such a waste, right?
Dude #2: I guess…
NYS Fair
Syracuse, New York
Passerby to two women getting off elevator with a double stroller with white and black babies: Uh-oh!
Women: Oh, it's okay. They're just friends.
Elevator, Westchester Mall
White Plains, New York
Seven-year-old boy to mom: So, mom, all the kids in camp were making fun of this one boy cuz he was a stinky Yankees fan and we're all Mets fans!
Mom: Honey, if mommy can marry a Republican, than you can be friends with a Yankees fan.
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Laura
Scruffy dude picking up cell with fart noises as ringtone: Hi, honey.
Family Video
Brockport, New York
Overheard by: swear it was the phone
Teen boy #1: He's gay.
Teen boy #2: No, he isn't.
Teen girl: He's just orange!
Teen boy #2, laughing: “Orange” isn't a sexual orientation.
Teen boy #1, laughing so hard he's crying: I was just thinking that.
Teen boy #2: Hes like, an Oompa-Loompa. He's always so mean 'cause he's tall, they rejected him because he was different.
McDonald's
New York City, New York
Chronically oversharing blonde woman: If I didn't know better, I'd swear there was a baby up in there, but there are three reasons I know that's impossible. For one thing, I'm on birth control, which is why I've gained twenty-five pounds. Twenty-five pounds! Also, I haven't had sex since (whispers) October, (resumes normal voice) so I'd be overdue. And I got my period today.
Chilango's Mexican Restaurant
Rochester, New York
Overheard by: TARDIS Dyke
Hobo to another: Guys like us were never taught the value of words. And that's why I always come out on top. Because I understand the meaning of the word “itinerant.” And you, sir, are an itinerant and a philanderer!
New York City, New York
Man: So how's your baby?
Young woman: Great. He's three months old now, so he's no longer just a glorified fetus! He has emotions, and everything!
(pause)
Man, awkwardly: Oh. Huh, how about that?
Mohonk Resort
New Paltz, New York
Overheard by: Ali
