New York

Passerby to two women getting off elevator with a double stroller with white and black babies: Uh-oh!
Women: Oh, it's okay. They're just friends.

Elevator, Westchester Mall
White Plains, New York

Seven-year-old boy to mom: So, mom, all the kids in camp were making fun of this one boy cuz he was a stinky Yankees fan and we're all Mets fans!
Mom: Honey, if mommy can marry a Republican, than you can be friends with a Yankees fan.

Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: Laura

Scruffy dude picking up cell with fart noises as ringtone: Hi, honey.

Family Video
Brockport, New York

Overheard by: swear it was the phone

Teen boy #1: He's gay.
Teen boy #2: No, he isn't.
Teen girl: He's just orange!
Teen boy #2, laughing: “Orange” isn't a sexual orientation.
Teen boy #1, laughing so hard he's crying: I was just thinking that.
Teen boy #2: Hes like, an Oompa-Loompa. He's always so mean 'cause he's tall, they rejected him because he was different.

McDonald's
New York City, New York

Chronically oversharing blonde woman: If I didn't know better, I'd swear there was a baby up in there, but there are three reasons I know that's impossible. For one thing, I'm on birth control, which is why I've gained twenty-five pounds. Twenty-five pounds! Also, I haven't had sex since (whispers) October, (resumes normal voice) so I'd be overdue. And I got my period today.

Chilango's Mexican Restaurant
Rochester, New York

Overheard by: TARDIS Dyke

Hobo to another: Guys like us were never taught the value of words. And that's why I always come out on top. Because I understand the meaning of the word “itinerant.” And you, sir, are an itinerant and a philanderer!

New York City, New York

Man: So how's your baby?
Young woman: Great. He's three months old now, so he's no longer just a glorified fetus! He has emotions, and everything!
(pause)
Man, awkwardly: Oh. Huh, how about that?

Mohonk Resort
New Paltz, New York

Overheard by: Ali

Professor: And that's why caffeine is my drug of choice. (awkward pause) So who here had some caffeine today?

University of Rochester, New York

Professor, at 8 am: If coffee doesn't work, drink RedBull. But if that doesn't work, I suggest amphetamines or heroin.

Class, SUNY
Purchase, New York

Overheard by: Jessica

Woman #1: Are you wearing sexy underwear?
Woman #2: No, just cotton.

Arts and Crafts Show
New York City, New York

Overheard by: Karlene Kuhn