New York

20-something girl: Do you remember that guy last night?
Friend: Oh, him? Yeah, I think he motor-boated me.

Canisius College
Buffalo, New York

50-something man to another: I got a bunion you could hang a hat off of.

Durand Eastman Golf Course
Rochester, New York

Guy #1: I can speak Italian.
Guy #2: How do you say “cheese” in Italian?
Guy #1: Ha! That's easy, “mozzarella”!

Italian Restaurant
Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: Chloe

Thesis advisor to uncomfortable-looking advisees: You girls might be too young for it, but if you ever have the chance to have sex on a water bed, you should do it.

Colgate University
Madison County, New York

Young bearded hipster to college girl: They keep telling me anal bleaching is the way to go, but do girls really notice that stuff?

Manhattan, New York

Flight attendant: Contrary to popular belief, pushing the button with the flight attendant on it will not turn your flight attendant on. So don't push it.

Flight to New York

Overheard by: Erica Lynn

Girl, after hugging friend: Um, why do you smell like a scrotum?
Guy: Wait, what?

Manhattan, New York

Adorable little blond girl, ecstatically: Did our car get jacked?

Port Washington, New York

Overheard by: Ladle

Guy, clueless: Wow, I can't believe Snape was evil the whole time!
Girl, exasperated: I can't believe I fuck you every night.

Cinema, after Harry Potter
New York City, New York

Overheard by: Ellen

Preppy girl: I woke up this morning and my legs were so sore! And then I couldn't remember why they were hurting! I was so worried, especially since I went out last night and Wednesday nights are usually when I stay in. And I couldn't remember anything that happened. But then I thought, “Oh, wait, I went to the gym yesterday. That must be it.”

Lawrence Hall, Colgate University
Hamilton, New York