Spastic five-year old: Medicate me, daddy! Medicate me! Medicate me!
University Village
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Jackie
Spastic five-year old: Medicate me, daddy! Medicate me! Medicate me!
University Village
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Jackie
Girl #1: I just got a betta fish.
Girl #2, way too excited: Oh my gosh, I have one of those! You should bring yours over for a play-date!
Bellingham, Washington
Girl, to barking dog: Don't talk to me like you know me!
Wyoming, Michigan
Overheard by: Roxie
Hooker, yelling at pimp in parked car: Lemme axe you somethin: fuck you!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: rob w.
Five-year-old in cafeteria during kindergarten lunchtime: Mr. Greg, my mom didn't put juice in my lunch. Can I get a drink from the cafeteria?
Mr. Greg: Sure, I'll get you something. You want milk?
Five-year-old: Yeah.
Mr. Greg: Regular white milk or chocolate?
Five-year-old: Chocolate.
Mr. Greg: Okay. You're not allergic to chocolate, are you?
Five-year-old: Yeah.
Mr. Greg: You are? Oh, then I'll get you white milk. Are you allergic to white milk?
Five-year-old: Yeah.
Mr. Greg: Oh, then I'd better see if they have juice.
(Mr. Greg goes into the kitchen and comes back with orange juice)
Mr. Greg: Here's some orange juice. You're not allergic to orange juice, are you?
Five-year-old: Yeah.
Mr. Greg: Do you know what “allergic” means?
Five-year-old: No.
Elementary School
Los Angeles, California
Professor: I'm still on the search for a contortionist, by the way.
Student #1: Aren't all contortionists like really young?
Professor: Are they?
Student #2: Yeah, I'm pretty sure the oldest contortionist is like, 15. Their flexibility has something to do with their age.
Professor: Well, what good would an underage contortionist be?
University of Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: an incredibly amused student
Guy: And I was like, “I can't invite you to my party if I can't guarantee you'll keep your pants on!”
University of Louisville
Louisville, Kentucky
Overheard by: The man has a point
Young pregnant mother, gratefully accepting seat on crowded tram: Come over here and sit with mummy, Adam.
Four-year-old: Noooooooooo.
Mother: C'mon, Adam, come sit with mummy.
Four-year-old: Noooooooo (but slinks over and sits down anyway)
Mother: Better?
Four-year-old: You've ruined my life, mom.
Mother: Yes, honey, I know.
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Soap Oprah
High school girl in hot tub #1: Ugh, my bikini won't stop falling down!
High school girl in hot tub #2: You do look a little… undersupported. Do you wanna trade tops?
High school girl in hot tub #1: Really?
High school girl in hot tub #2: Yeah, it's not like I need the support.
High school girl in hot tub #1: True.
(high school boys in hot tub stare intently)
Westchester, New York
Overheard by: Jenny Suburbs
Woman on cell: I just asked how’s he doing and he actually told me that he’s getting hard just talking to me. [Pause.] Well, what do you think I would say? “Oh ,that’s nice”!? Hell no! I said: “Oh crap! Sorry, I have another call, gotta go”. Yeah, that was definitely odd. Remind me never to be nice and try calling my exes again.
Florida
