Guy to friend, matter-of-factly: You know he’s just teaching there for the kielbasa.
Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota
Guy to friend, matter-of-factly: You know he’s just teaching there for the kielbasa.
Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota
Professor, about a book currently sold out at the campus bookstore: This book has been required in my class for years. All the upperclassmen have this book. Borrow it! (whispering) Steal it!
Point Park University
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: ZB
Sophomore #1, during heated debate about zombie safety: Wait! What if there were alien zombies?
Sophomore #2: Shut up! We're talking about realistic stuff, here!
Theatre Class, Rossview High
Clarksville, Tennessee
Spastic five-year old: Medicate me, daddy! Medicate me! Medicate me!
University Village
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Jackie
Girl #1: I just got a betta fish.
Girl #2, way too excited: Oh my gosh, I have one of those! You should bring yours over for a play-date!
Bellingham, Washington
Girl, to barking dog: Don't talk to me like you know me!
Wyoming, Michigan
Overheard by: Roxie
Hooker, yelling at pimp in parked car: Lemme axe you somethin: fuck you!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: rob w.
Five-year-old in cafeteria during kindergarten lunchtime: Mr. Greg, my mom didn't put juice in my lunch. Can I get a drink from the cafeteria?
Mr. Greg: Sure, I'll get you something. You want milk?
Five-year-old: Yeah.
Mr. Greg: Regular white milk or chocolate?
Five-year-old: Chocolate.
Mr. Greg: Okay. You're not allergic to chocolate, are you?
Five-year-old: Yeah.
Mr. Greg: You are? Oh, then I'll get you white milk. Are you allergic to white milk?
Five-year-old: Yeah.
Mr. Greg: Oh, then I'd better see if they have juice.
(Mr. Greg goes into the kitchen and comes back with orange juice)
Mr. Greg: Here's some orange juice. You're not allergic to orange juice, are you?
Five-year-old: Yeah.
Mr. Greg: Do you know what “allergic” means?
Five-year-old: No.
Elementary School
Los Angeles, California
Professor: I'm still on the search for a contortionist, by the way.
Student #1: Aren't all contortionists like really young?
Professor: Are they?
Student #2: Yeah, I'm pretty sure the oldest contortionist is like, 15. Their flexibility has something to do with their age.
Professor: Well, what good would an underage contortionist be?
University of Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: an incredibly amused student
Guy: And I was like, “I can't invite you to my party if I can't guarantee you'll keep your pants on!”
University of Louisville
Louisville, Kentucky
Overheard by: The man has a point
