Lost mother with child to employee: Excuse me, sir? Where can I find the exit?
Employee (bluntly): Um, you have to buy something before you can leave.
Lost mother with child: (blank stare)
Sam Ash
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Stole something instead
Guy: Just trust me on this one and go along with it one more time.
Girl: I did that last time and ended up with random things up my ass.
Stoneham, Massachusetts
Girl to friends: I've always wanted to dress up like Jesus… My grandmother would be so proud of me.
St. John's
Newfoundland
Canadia
Guy to friend, matter-of-factly: You know he’s just teaching there for the kielbasa.
Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota
Professor, about a book currently sold out at the campus bookstore: This book has been required in my class for years. All the upperclassmen have this book. Borrow it! (whispering) Steal it!
Point Park University
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: ZB
Sophomore #1, during heated debate about zombie safety: Wait! What if there were alien zombies?
Sophomore #2: Shut up! We're talking about realistic stuff, here!
Theatre Class, Rossview High
Clarksville, Tennessee
Spastic five-year old: Medicate me, daddy! Medicate me! Medicate me!
University Village
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Jackie
Girl #1: I just got a betta fish.
Girl #2, way too excited: Oh my gosh, I have one of those! You should bring yours over for a play-date!
Bellingham, Washington
Girl, to barking dog: Don't talk to me like you know me!
Wyoming, Michigan
Overheard by: Roxie
Hooker, yelling at pimp in parked car: Lemme axe you somethin: fuck you!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: rob w.
