Guy on cell walking past elephants: I'm watching elephants pour shit on their heads. Yeah, I'm watching elephants pour shit on their heads. Okay. Bye.

Busch Gardens
Tampa Bay, Florida

Wife: Would you still love me if I peed my pants?
Husband: Yep.
Wife: Would you still love me if I shit my pants?
Husband: We'll cross that bridge when we get there.

Nashville, Tennessee

Drunk girl: I want to find a really kinky man tonight and shit on his chest.


Mom to three-year-old son under the table: Whatcha’ doin’ under there, buddy?
Three-year-old son: Playing volleyball.
Dad: Volleyball? Smells like you’re pooping your pants.
Three-year-old son, giggling: I am.
Three-year-old son’s sister to friend: See, I told you it wasn’t the food.

Los Tres Amigos Mexican Restaurant

Overheard by: Scott

Elderly Bible as Literature professor: People often say things that catch people off guard. Like if I said even Jesus shat.
(entire class goes completely silent)
Professor: Holy shit, huh?


Male redneck: You can come over, but you can't be shittin' in my bathroom.
(female redneck is silent)
Male redneck: Seriously… I like you and all, but I don't know you good enough for you to be stankin' up my bathroom.
(they leave together)

Project Lounge
Biloxi, Mississippi

Overheard by: these are the people who get to have sex?

Man to son: Stop talking about vampire bats and focus on your poop.

San Diego, California

Guy on cell: I believe in signs, dude. I took a dump and it was totally shaped like a boot. I'm going to Italy.


Overheard by: alicia

Crazy bag lady: Can I have that shirt? I’m all dirty and nasty.
Young guy: No, I need this for work.
Crazy bag lady: Oh. Can I shit in your mouth?
Young guy: Um, no.

Washington, DC

Female diner #1: I mean, he was awesome. He had a lifeguard body. If he shit, I would eat it.
Female diner #2: (pushes food away)

Chicago, Illinois