Guy on cell: I believe in signs, dude. I took a dump and it was totally shaped like a boot. I'm going to Italy.


Overheard by: alicia

Crazy bag lady: Can I have that shirt? I’m all dirty and nasty.
Young guy: No, I need this for work.
Crazy bag lady: Oh. Can I shit in your mouth?
Young guy: Um, no.

Washington, DC

Female diner #1: I mean, he was awesome. He had a lifeguard body. If he shit, I would eat it.
Female diner #2: (pushes food away)

Chicago, Illinois

Boy: So why did you move here?
Girl: I was gonna go to art school and then I wrote this big essay and my cat shit on it.
Boy: Literally shit on it?
Girl: Yeah, I took it as a sign.

18 Bus
Seattle, Washington

Teen girl with group of friends: But I don’t get it… Why would you wipe it *that* way particularly?
(long silence, group of friends look at each other)
Friend, incredulously: Uhh… So you don’t get shit in your vag?

Federation Square

Boy: Dad, why do toilets flush?
Dad, irritated: I don’t know.
Boy: I think it is so no one can steal the poop.

Phoenix, Arizona

Overheard by: Pooper Snooper

Piss Christ Comes to Dallas

Man #1: Hey, are those bathrooms?
Man #2: No…that's art.

Discovery Green Park
Houston, Texas

Teacher: Do you have to go potty?
Two-year-old girl: I don't go potty anymore; I listen to music.


Overheard by: wayzata

Suit: So yeah, I found out how my boss's boss takes his tea, and I took him a cup this morning, along with a muffin.
Non-suit: And did you remember to take a napkin to wipe his feces from your nose?


Overheard by: Eastender

University kid: It's like a kegger, but with shit.


Overheard by: The zoe