Boy: So why did you move here?
Girl: I was gonna go to art school and then I wrote this big essay and my cat shit on it.
Boy: Literally shit on it?
Girl: Yeah, I took it as a sign.

18 Bus
Seattle, Washington

Teen girl with group of friends: But I don’t get it… Why would you wipe it *that* way particularly?
(long silence, group of friends look at each other)
Friend, incredulously: Uhh… So you don’t get shit in your vag?

Federation Square

Boy: Dad, why do toilets flush?
Dad, irritated: I don’t know.
Boy: I think it is so no one can steal the poop.

Phoenix, Arizona

Overheard by: Pooper Snooper

Piss Christ Comes to Dallas

Man #1: Hey, are those bathrooms?
Man #2: No…that's art.

Discovery Green Park
Houston, Texas

Teacher: Do you have to go potty?
Two-year-old girl: I don't go potty anymore; I listen to music.


Overheard by: wayzata

Suit: So yeah, I found out how my boss's boss takes his tea, and I took him a cup this morning, along with a muffin.
Non-suit: And did you remember to take a napkin to wipe his feces from your nose?


Overheard by: Eastender

University kid: It's like a kegger, but with shit.


Overheard by: The zoe

Guy, weighing himself: 176. Hmm, hold on a minute, I gotta go shit.
Guy at desk: Alright.
(5 minutes later)
Guy, weighing himself: 170. Goddamn.

Centre College
Danville, Kentucky

Three-year-old daughter, pointing at huge woman: Dada, she has a big booty.
Father: Sweetie, you don't want to talk about other people's booties.
Three-year-old daughter: But dada, she couldn't sit on our toilet. It is too small for her.
Father: Okay. (hurriedly moves out of the aisle)
Three-year-old daughter: Her booty is too big for pee and poop to come out. She makes a big mess and gets it all over! (father starts pushing faster)

Quincy, Massachusetts

Woman to friend: I don't know why she wants a baby. I mean, she doesn't even like poo.