Sex

So Another Good Thing Is, I'm Resourceful

Friend #1: We should all say something about ourselves. One thing good and one thing bad.
Friend #2: What about you?
Friend #1: Well, I have a good sense of humor. And I guess something bad would be that the other day, I slept with some person because I didn't have a place to stay, but in the morning, I'd forgotten his name…so when he went out his room I had to search through it to find some kind of identity card of his so I could pretend I knew it all along. His name was Richard.

Pub
London Bridge
England

And I Wouldn't Stop and Smell the Roses, Either.

Old woman: It's like flowers were spitting out of my ass, so don't go telling me how bright and shiny your (makes finger quotes) “effing” life is!

Small Town
Nebraska

…Which You All Got Wrong on the Midterm

Professor: What would you guys do if I told you that a giant fish was going to eat you on your way home?
Girl: Hide?
Professor: No! You'd all go out and have sex! I mean besides sleeping, eating, and having sex, what else do you need to do? You're just taking this class so later in life you can sleep in a better place, eat better food, and have sex with someone hotter!

University of Michigan
Ann Arbor, Michgan

Overheard by: Kelli

This Isn't How “20 Questions” Is Played, Amber.

Girl #1, in stall: Have you ever had sex?
Girl #2: No.
Girl #1: Oh. Does your classroom smell?

Delaware County Community College
Pennsylvania

I May Have Fugeed Myself

Excited hipster guy on cell: Dude, you just missed Wyclef Jean! He was fucking awesome! He dry-humped me and everything!

Voodoo Music Fest
New Orleans, Louisiana

Overheard by: Eliza

The U.N. Delegates Have This Problem All the Time.

Smokin' hot gay guy on phone: I bought the table under the impression that it was fuck-proof. My husband challenged me last night to prove otherwise. Now my table has been fucked through and Mark* isn't talking to me right now. (pause) Yeah, it does sound like a funny problem to have, but it's really not.

Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: The Sauce

All Communications Majors Believe Perception Is Reality

Sorority girl #1: I may as well go around and sleep with all the people everyone thinks I'm sleeping with…
Sorority girl #2: I would *so* not judge you for that.

Bryant University
Smithfield, Rhode Island

If We've Learned Nothing Else from There's Something About Mary, It's That.

Girl #1: It's my hair, isn't it?
Girl #2: Your hair is begging to be oversexed.

Wellington, New Zealand

Overheard by: Bea

So Gay Men Aren't the Target Demograpic for That?

Straight girl: So then we were making out, and it was really good…
Gay guy #1: Wait, isn't this story supposed to be about how good he was at going down on you?
Straight girl: Oh, I'm getting there.
Gay guy #2: Yeah, okay, but this is really taking too long. Get to the point.
Gay guy #1: Seriously. I mean, we don't really like hearing about straight hookups anyway. It's gross. We're just humoring you.
Guy guy #3: This is like the longest pussy-eating story I've heard all day.

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: TMI

By That Point, We Were Married with Three Kids.

Punk girl: So we started fucking on a regular basis, right? And then I realized that I may actually like the guy!

University Campus
Austin, Texas

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