Guy to another: I don't know what to tell you… If she won't break up with you because you invited her to have a threesome, then tell her that you have some disability… (mumbles) …like, what's that form of autism called? “Asperger syndrome”?
Bar
Austin, Texas
Big-haired mother to friends: I like what Sarah Palin did with her kids' names. I mean, I want to give my kids names that are cool, but nothing that would, you know, prevent them from being business majors.
San Antonio, Texas
Overheard by: An East Coast Elitist
Preppy teenage girl #1, before Sex and the City movie: Oh! I heard that Jennifer Hewitt is in this movie!
Preppy teenage girl #2: No, it's Jennifer Hudson.
Preppy teenage girl #1: Whats the difference?
Preppy teenage girl #2: Jennifer Hewitt is the white actress who made a CD and can't sing and was in the Garfield movie. Jennifer Hudson is the black girl from American Idol who won an Oscar for that movie with Beyonce.
Preppy teenage girl #1: Are either one of them singing in this movie?
Preppy teenage girl #2: I don't know.
(long pause)
Preppy teenage girl #3: Speaking of black people, I got in trouble for being racist at work today.
Plano, Texas
Mother to three-year-old son: Can I call you “my dear”?
Three-year-old son: Can I call you “my moose”?
Austin, Texas
Pilot over intercom after rough landing: Whooaa, Nessie! (makes galloping sound) Easy, girl! (makes baaing sound) Whoops, wrong animal.
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: kayla
Party guy: Hey, you cut your hair.
Party girl: I had to.
Party guy: Why?
Party girl: Well, you threw up on it!
Party guy: Who cares if I threw up on it?
Party girl: I do!
Party guy: Oh. (walks off)
Austin, Texas
LSAT instructor: So, these female sage grouse do a visual inspection to make sure the males don’t have an infection before mating. If I had the same attention to detail, maybe I wouldn’t have gotten chlamydia three times.
Ft. Worth, Texas
Overheard by: Not So Hot For Teacher
Professor: Everyone who thinks it's this answer jump up and say, “I'm brilliant!”
(nobody moves)
Professor: Everyone who thinks it's this answer jump up and say, “I'm not so brilliant, yet.”
(nobody moves)
Professor: Everyone else jump up and say, “I'm inhibited!”
Organic Chemistry Class
Texas Lutheran University
Overheard by: Kimberly
Woman on cell: I'm coming to LA to make 100 Egyptian army uniforms, then I'm going back.
International Airport
El Paso, Texas
Overheard by: V
