Chick: So, they haven’t actually had a mayor since the last one had to be euthanized…
Honors Lounge, Metro State College
Denver, Colorado
Chick: So, they haven’t actually had a mayor since the last one had to be euthanized…
Honors Lounge, Metro State College
Denver, Colorado
Girl to mother: You know, that’s why I’m so messed up. My main memories of church are smearing fake blood on a Ken doll for Cain killing Abel, with pigeons cooing at me; and dancing across the stage in a pink tutu for The Odyssey.
Aurora, Colorado
Female student, looking at Valentine candy display: Oh, I love those little cinnamon hearts.
Male student: Oh, me too. When I was a kid I used to snort them up my nose.
Guelph
Ontario
Canadia
Blundergrad: I was really irritable today. There was something up my butt. Literally!
Northwestern University
Illinois
Girl: Seriously, she’s completely obsessed. Like all of her final drawings were of his penis. Like all of them.
Roanoke, Virginia
Overheard by: Abbie
Girl: So yeah, it would just be like Gulliver’s Travels.
[Pause.]Boy: There’d be kitten penises everywhere!
Warwick, England
Hipster guy: Yeah, it probably didn’t help that I gave you poison ivy and then threw up on you.
Bar
Columbia, Missouri
Mother, to three-year old in stroller: Oh, ha ha ha! You’re retarded.
Paducah, Kentucky
Middle school student: It’s not my fault he got hit with the G-string…
Toms River
New Jersey
Overheard by: the sub
Angry suit on cell: I cleaned out my ass for you, bitch!
On the Street
San Francisco, California
