Girl: Hey, does anyone know if Stu* is still alive?
Guy: What? Why?
Girl, laughing: Because he went out into the woods last night with nothing but a lighter and a can of tomato soup.
Egremont, Massachusetts
Overheard by: lily
Girl: Hey, does anyone know if Stu* is still alive?
Guy: What? Why?
Girl, laughing: Because he went out into the woods last night with nothing but a lighter and a can of tomato soup.
Egremont, Massachusetts
Overheard by: lily
Girl, observing a display of plush microbes: I want herpes! I think it’s so cute!
SUNY
Geneseo, New York
Overheard by: Jeni
Student: So if I, like, read something in the library and I memorize it, am I, like, stealing it with my mind?
Instructor: Yes. You can steal things with your mind.
Copy Editing Class
Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia
Little boy, to stoic mother in shoe aisle: I love the night life! I like the boobies! I love the night life! I like the boobies!
(five minutes later, at checkout lane)
Little boy, to stoic mother: I love the night life! I like the boobies! I love the night life! I like the boobies!…
Kohl’s
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Me too, my man.
Mother to impatient son: Do you want to show me how you count?
Five-year-old: Ok. One. Two. Three. Fuck.
Mother: What!? Adam*, you know you’re not supposed to say…
Four-year-old: Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Mother: Adam*, I said stop! That’s a very, very bad word.
Four-year-old, putting hands on ears: You fuck, you fuck, you fuck.
Holt Renfrew
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: M
College-aged girl on cell: How am I supposed to date him if I’m afraid he’s going to kill me and keep my vagina in a jar?
Grocery Store, Kentucky
40-something woman on phone: Was that the time when we made cone bras or the time when we shaved our legs with a nail file?
Toronto
Ontario
Canadia
Middle-aged creepster: She was a slut in middle school, so she’s my type of girl.
Gentle Bens Brewery
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: a middle school slut
Spaced-out kid: And I think it was some kind of message in that out-of-body experience. Like, it was my soul trying to tell me that after I finished puking, I should take a shower.
Teenage queer: Your dreams are fucked.
St. Andrew’s College
Aurora
Canadia
