Who's Going As Pontius Pilate of Nottingham?

Bimbette, looking at halloween costumes online with her boyfriend: Oh, look! You can go as Robin Hood and I'll be Mary Magdalene!

RIC College
Providence, Rhode Island

Posted on December 12, 2019
Bimbettes, Books, Clothes, Colleges & Universities, Default, History, Rhode Island, Stupidity

Oh, the Horror. The Horror!

Dudely dude: You know Heart of Darkness, by Marlon Brando…

Ithaca College
Ithaca, New York

Posted on August 27, 2019
About celebrities, Books, Colleges & Universities, Default, Guys, Names, New York, Pop culture

While You Live in My House, You'll Share My Ignorance

Whining toddler: Mommy, I want that book!
Yelling mother: You can't read!

Dalton Booksellers
Jefferson Valley, New York

Posted on May 19, 2019
Books, Default, Family ties, Kids, Moms, New York, Offers and requests, Stores, Women

As Long As You Don’t Lie in the Same Bed Together, It’s All Good

Man: What does it say in the bible about punching your son in the face?

Starbucks
Durham, North Carolina

Overheard by: wondering the same thing myself

Posted on April 26, 2019
Books, Guys, North Carolina, Offspring, Parenting, Questions, Religion, Restaurants, Violence

Colorado Libraries Are Full Of the Stuff

Geeky girl: You know, I’ve still got my ex-boyfriend’s mom’s library card.
Goth friend: …We should totally go and check out, like, animal porn with it.

Aurora, Colorado

Posted on March 5, 2019
Animals, Books, Colorado, Default, Dorks, Geeks & Nerds, Family ties, Friends, Girls, Goths, Offers and requests, Porn, Relationships, Weirdness

Eh, I'm Joining the Marines Next Year, Anyway

Guy #1: We had to read Catcher in the Rye and Uncle Tom's Cabin last year! It was ridiculous!
Guy #2: Aren't they the same story?

Fauquier High
Warrenton, Virginia

Overheard by:

Posted on November 17, 2018
Books, Default, Education, Gripes, Guys, Questions, Stupidity, Virginia

No Need to Get All Paulette Goddard on Me

Teenage girl: Mom, you have to buy me this book!
Mom: No, I don't, and I shan't.
Teenage girl: You what?
Mom: I shan't.
Teenage girl: “Shan't”?
Mom: Shan't.
Teenage girl: “Shan't”?
Mom: Shan't.
Teenage girl: “Shan't”?
Mom: Yes. Shan't.
Teenage girl: That's a word?
Mom: Yes.
Teenage girl: What's it mean?
Mom: It's a contraction of “shall not”, as in “I shan't buy you that book.”
Teenage girl: Ugh, fine! Enough shan'ting already!

Borders Bookstore
Olathe, Kansas

Posted on June 22, 2018
Books, Default, Family ties, Girls, Kansas, Language barrier, Moms, Questions, Stores, Teens, Women, Words

Tell Me This Door-Knocker-Lawn-Sprinkler Isn’t Cool

Boy #1: Are you reading fuckin’ SkyMall?
Boy #2: Yeah. It’s actually pretty cool…
Boy #1: Faggot.

Logan Airport
Boston, Massachusetts

Posted on March 2, 2018
Books, Insults, Kids, Massachusetts

…Just Eat More Popcorn and You'll Be Fine

Guy #1: Dude, I wonder how Orville Redenbacher is still in all those commercials when he's been dead for, like, a bazillion years?
Guy #2: Maybe he's a zombie.
Guy #1: Or a robot.
Guy #3: Or a zombie robot.
Guy #1: Seriously, dude. I think you've been reading too much sci-fi.

Bellingham, Washington

Posted on February 6, 2018
About celebrities, Books, Death & dying, Guys, Questions, Washington, Zombies

How Now, A Sponge? Dead For A Krabby Patty, Dead!

Theater professor: In Shakespeare's plays, SpongeBob would die.

Wayne State University
Detroit, Michigan

Posted on February 1, 2018
Books, Colleges & Universities, Compare and contrast, Default, Michigan, Names, Teachers, TV shows