Bimbette, looking at halloween costumes online with her boyfriend: Oh, look! You can go as Robin Hood and I'll be Mary Magdalene!

RIC College
Providence, Rhode Island

Dudely dude: You know Heart of Darkness, by Marlon Brando…

Ithaca College
Ithaca, New York

Whining toddler: Mommy, I want that book!
Yelling mother: You can't read!

Dalton Booksellers
Jefferson Valley, New York

Man: What does it say in the bible about punching your son in the face?

Durham, North Carolina

Overheard by: wondering the same thing myself

Geeky girl: You know, I’ve still got my ex-boyfriend’s mom’s library card.
Goth friend: …We should totally go and check out, like, animal porn with it.

Aurora, Colorado

Guy #1: We had to read Catcher in the Rye and Uncle Tom's Cabin last year! It was ridiculous!
Guy #2: Aren't they the same story?

Fauquier High
Warrenton, Virginia

Overheard by:

Teenage girl: Mom, you have to buy me this book!
Mom: No, I don't, and I shan't.
Teenage girl: You what?
Mom: I shan't.
Teenage girl: “Shan't”?
Mom: Shan't.
Teenage girl: “Shan't”?
Mom: Shan't.
Teenage girl: “Shan't”?
Mom: Yes. Shan't.
Teenage girl: That's a word?
Mom: Yes.
Teenage girl: What's it mean?
Mom: It's a contraction of “shall not”, as in “I shan't buy you that book.”
Teenage girl: Ugh, fine! Enough shan'ting already!

Borders Bookstore
Olathe, Kansas

Boy #1: Are you reading fuckin’ SkyMall?
Boy #2: Yeah. It’s actually pretty cool…
Boy #1: Faggot.

Logan Airport
Boston, Massachusetts

Guy #1: Dude, I wonder how Orville Redenbacher is still in all those commercials when he's been dead for, like, a bazillion years?
Guy #2: Maybe he's a zombie.
Guy #1: Or a robot.
Guy #3: Or a zombie robot.
Guy #1: Seriously, dude. I think you've been reading too much sci-fi.

Bellingham, Washington

Theater professor: In Shakespeare's plays, SpongeBob would die.

Wayne State University
Detroit, Michigan