Guy to girlfriend: I like when we’re both using our laptops and I lick your nipple and it shocks me, like licking a nine-volt battery.
Palo Alto, California
Guy to girlfriend: I like when we’re both using our laptops and I lick your nipple and it shocks me, like licking a nine-volt battery.
Palo Alto, California
Girl sitting in front of lecture hall to professor, very matter-of-factly: People don't really use adverbs anymore.
Evans Hall, UC Berkeley
Berkeley, California
Overheard by: the only one left
Teen (brandishing Nerf gun): I'm gonna get you! Here I come! I'm gonna shoot you right in the mouth!
Small boy: Noooo! No more Nerf kisses!
Simi Valley, California
Overheard by: the mster
Dude #1: Hey, man, call someone and see if you can get us a ride.
Dude #2: Denny’s.
Dude #1, pausing: … No, you need to make some calls and see if you can get someone to give us a ride.
Dude #2: Denny’s.
Dude #1, after longer pause: Dude, are you hungry?
Dude #2: No… I could use some food, though.
Bay Area Rapid Transit District, California
Yoga instructor to friend: I've always wanted to throw up on a cat.
Berkeley, California
Guy #1: Yo, it would be tight to work in a rug store.
Guy #2: Yeah, man. All those different kinds of rugs…
Oakland, California
Overheard by: archidork
Chick #1: I hate kittens.
Chick #2: Do you hate rainbows too?
Guy: And dreams?
Chick: #3: And butterflies?
San Diego, California
Queer: You should move to Texas. You haven't been there yet.
Chick: Are you kidding? I am in no way hot enough to live in Texas. For one thing, I'd need way bigger boobs.
Queer: Oh, honey. That's what plastic surgery is for!
The Castro
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: lucy
Girl: Who are you dating now?
Guy: I don’t know if you’d call it dating, but I met a stripper that comes over around midnight, gets me high, sucks my dick, we fuck, I fall asleep and when I wake up, she’s gone.
Random eavesdropper: Dude, marry that bitch!
Open Bar
San Diego, California
20-something chick on cell: How do five-year-olds even know about jello enemas?
Vallejo Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Pookins
