Canadia

Professor: You don't want to have a thin-skinned Prime Minister who's afraid of puffin poo.

University of Ottawa
Canadia

Professor: Sorry if you’ve been excited to see how you did on your essays, but I didn’t get a chance to mark them over Christmas break.
Class: [Groans.]Professor: Well, my testicles swelled to the size of grapefruit over the holiday break, so don’t think you’re the only ones disappointed. My wife wasn’t thrilled, either.

York University
Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: decidingwhethertolaughornot

Drunk bimbette: We’re s’posed to be so ladylike… Why do girls have to be so ghetto and stab each other all the time?

York University
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: A and A

Passenger trying to find lost baggage: Excuse me! Do you work for United?
Airline steward: No! Oh no! Thank god!

P.E. Trudeau Airport
Montreal
Canadia

Wildly bearded hobo riding rusty bicycle and wearing only one shoe and parachute pants: Why, hello miss. Would you be interested in entering into a mutually beneficial body massage arrangement?
Surprised, redheaded woman: Uhhhhh, not today, thank you.
Hobo: I'll try back later.

Queen West
Toronto
Canadia

Skinny guy: He's coming to the party tonight? Wasn't he hitting on your girlfriend last time?
Big burly bearded guy: No, she texted me last night. She talked to his roommate: turns out he wasn't inviting her to a threesome 'cause he likes her. He was inviting us to a foursome 'cause he likes me.

Ontario
Canadia

Female English major: Can boobs be considered limbs?

Queen’s University
Kingston
Canadia

Girl: I saw two penises on Saturday.

Outside Airport, Yellowknife
Northwest Territories
Canadia

Girl #1: You should get you some.
Girl #2: I don't think I could handle the stupidity. I ruined my fantasy by talking to him.

Bus
Vancouver
Canadia

Overheard by: always a problem

Girl (reading inspirational quote): “The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart.” (pause) Helen Keller. (to friend) Wasn’t she, like, a killer?

Indigo Bookstore
Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: Sunissa