Colorado

Psh, Paula Abdul's Been Trying to Get Away with That Excuse for Years

Security guy: You fell down the stairs.
Girl, trying to convince him that she's sober: Okay, have a gander at these heels.
Security guy: You were also making out with a man on the couch.
Girl: I'm promiscuous!? All your evidence is circumstantial! See, I'm using words like “promiscuous” and “circumstantial.” Have you ever met a drunk person who uses such vocabulary?
Security guy: You exhibit all the signs of intoxication, you are underage, we must ask you to leave.
Girl: For the last time, I'm not drunk! This is just my personality!

Beta Nightclub
Denver, Colorado

Posted on March 19, 2010
Bars & Clubs, Character, Colorado, Cops, Drinking & drunks, Drunks, Sexuality, Words

The Jigsaw Killer from Saw Sings “Blue Suede Shoes”

20-something hipster guy: There was the big drill for the alcoholic… Then they busted out the small drill and it was like… woah!

Coffee Shop
Colorado Springs, Colorado

Overheard by: Vanessa

Posted on February 7, 2010
Bars & Clubs, Colorado, Drinking & drunks, Hipsters, Weirdness

Shhh– You'll Give the Poor Flying Squirrel Body Image Issues

Girl, about woman who had gastric bypass: Dude, she has bags of skins. If she jumped out an airplane, she'd glide.

Aurora, Colorado

Overheard by: Lee

Posted on January 9, 2010
Body parts, Colorado, Girls, Health & Hygiene

Gin?

Middle-aged father to waitress, about loud toddler daughter: It's an emergency. We need some happy juice.

Restaurant
Denver, Colorado

Overheard by: silver

Posted on January 8, 2010
Baristas, Colorado, Dads, Food, Kids, Offers and requests, Parenting, Restaurants, Should have used a condom

This Is a Gluestick, Sweetie.

Guy: I've been using the same deodorant stick for the last eight years. I'd replace it, but I think they discontinued the brand.

Wal-Mart
Ft. Collins, Colorado

Posted on December 12, 2009
Colorado, Guys, Health & Hygiene, Sensory experiences, Stores

…You All Have Your Paper Mache Assignment.

Professor: Okay, guys, let's stop talking about penises.

Metro State College
Denver, Colorado

Posted on December 1, 2009
Colleges & Universities, Colorado, Education, Penis, Students, Teachers, Weirdness

What Will Thailand Think Of Next?

Dude on phone: You have a post-coital gift shop?!

College Campus
Denver, Colorado

Posted on November 29, 2009
Colleges & Universities, Colorado, Gifts, Guys, On the phone, Questions, Sex, Shopping, Weirdness

Portrait Of the Foreign Policy Advisor As a Young Girl

Little girl: Ah, Mexican and Chinese food. Two great European tastes.

Highlands Ranch, Colorado

Overheard by: Julia

Posted on November 24, 2009
Colorado, Food, Geography, Kids, Stupidity

Accurate, Yet Still Depressing.

Man: Chicago is not one of the 49 states.

Colorado Springs, Colorado

Overheard by: Vanessa

Posted on November 21, 2009
Colorado, Geography, Guys, US Geography

I Knew This “Ellen” Haircut Was a Mistake

Two-year-old: Mommy!
Tired teen girl: I'm not your mommy.
Two-year-old: Daddy?

Preschool
Denver, Colorado

Posted on November 20, 2009
Colorado, Family ties, Kids, Questions, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Teens