High school girl on phone: Wait… How do I rape you?
Denver, Colorado
Teacher to class: You never know what you're going to find stuffed in the head of a mummified crocodile.
Metro State College
Denver, Colorado
Sobbing man with black eye, on cell: I love you so much, baby. I'm gonna squeeze you so hard you're gonna shit. (continues weeping)
Coloradp Springs, Colorado
Security guy: You fell down the stairs.
Girl, trying to convince him that she's sober: Okay, have a gander at these heels.
Security guy: You were also making out with a man on the couch.
Girl: I'm promiscuous!? All your evidence is circumstantial! See, I'm using words like “promiscuous” and “circumstantial.” Have you ever met a drunk person who uses such vocabulary?
Security guy: You exhibit all the signs of intoxication, you are underage, we must ask you to leave.
Girl: For the last time, I'm not drunk! This is just my personality!
Beta Nightclub
Denver, Colorado
20-something hipster guy: There was the big drill for the alcoholic… Then they busted out the small drill and it was like… woah!
Coffee Shop
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Overheard by: Vanessa
Girl, about woman who had gastric bypass: Dude, she has bags of skins. If she jumped out an airplane, she'd glide.
Aurora, Colorado
Overheard by: Lee
Middle-aged father to waitress, about loud toddler daughter: It's an emergency. We need some happy juice.
Restaurant
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: silver
Guy: I've been using the same deodorant stick for the last eight years. I'd replace it, but I think they discontinued the brand.
Wal-Mart
Ft. Collins, Colorado
Professor: Okay, guys, let's stop talking about penises.
Metro State College
Denver, Colorado
