Dad pushing stroller: [Singing.] Got a stroller so tight, you don’t have to walk, got a stroller so tight, it’ll fuck you up.
Denver, Colorado
Planned parenthood speaker: I’m here to talk to you about birth control.
Chick, ecstatic: This really is the best Christmas ever!
High School Assembly
Englewood, Colorado
Chick: So, they haven’t actually had a mayor since the last one had to be euthanized…
Honors Lounge, Metro State College
Denver, Colorado
Girl to mother: You know, that’s why I’m so messed up. My main memories of church are smearing fake blood on a Ken doll for Cain killing Abel, with pigeons cooing at me; and dancing across the stage in a pink tutu for The Odyssey.
Aurora, Colorado
Dude: “I am Legend”? God, learn to grammar.
High School classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Little boy: I don’t have a grandma!
Grandma: Yes you do sweetie…
Little boy: No! I don’t have a grandma!
Grandma: Yes you do…
Little boy: No, you’re a giant!
Grocery Store
Colorado
Overheard by: Not a Giant or a Grandma
[Chick #1 drops purse, condom falls out.]Chick #2: [Hands it back.] I didn’t know you had a penis.
Chick #1: I’m just being prepared.
Chick #2: In case you grow a penis?
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Smug TA: While I was with her I was doing crack. She had no idea.
Auraria Campus
Denver, Colorado
Goth girl: I’m so proud of my sister. The rest of her classmates are doing their final projects on chihuahuas and stuff like that. My sister? Serial killers.
Friend: Dude, you’re turning her into a you.
Goth girl: I know! My mom is so pissed at me.
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
