Couples

The Difference Between Quality and Quantity Eludes Many Americans

Pouting newlywed wife: I feel like we don't spend enough time together.
Seething newlywed husband: (grinds teeth)
Pouting newlywed wife: Enough quality time.
Seething newlywed husband: (remains silent)
Pouting newlywed wife: Would you like me to tell you what quality time is?
Seething newlywed husband: (about to speak, thinks better of it)
Pouting newlywed wife: 23 hours a day.

http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/overheardinminneapolis/~3/465741992/one-hour-is-plenty-of-time-for-a-lot-of-drugs.html

Overheard by: good, that leaves one hour for him to think of a response

But It Was a Planned Incarceration

Obese John Wayne wannabe: I can’t believe we are not hanging out tonight.
Gap tooth hootchie: I told you I made plans with my friends a month ago!
Obese John Wayne wannabe: Well you’re supposed to be hanging out with me. We never hang out anymore and we are boyfriend and girlfriend!
Gap tooth hootchie: We were supposed to hang out this past Saturday and Sunday but we didn’t! You were not fucking there.
Obese John Wayne wannabe: I had a change of plans!
Gap tooth hootchie: Change of plans?! Muthafucker you were in jail!

Bus
Iowa State University, Iowa

Overheard by: Casey

Not Even by New Jersey Standards?

Guy, tenderly hugging girlfriend: You're right, you're not worthy.

Red Bank, New Jersey

You Could Finish It for Your 100th Birthday

Girlfriend: Have you ever touched another man’s armpit hair?
Boyfriend: No.
Girlfriend: Well, yours are really gossamer-y. If you shaved them off, you could weave a little swatch of, like, satin… And then you could make a quilt!
Boyfriend: Or a patchwork jacket!

Ypsilanti, Michigan

…It's Medicinal!

Loud boyfriend: Where's the rest of it? You only needed five dollars for the hat. Where's the change?
Loud girlfriend: Give it a rest, Tommy. Okay, I gave you your change.
Loud boyfriend: You know, we need the fifteen dollars for the hotel, and I need hair gel.

Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Pbritches

…So Just Let Me Trim the Ellen Haircut Already!

Annoyed teenage boy to girlfriend: You've got to understand that I'm never going to be Justin Bieber!

London
England

Overheard by: KK

Portland Boasts a Rich Frottage Subculture

Boyfriend: Ow! Stop twisting my mole.
Girlfriend, singing quietly to herself: Looking for rub in all the wrong places.

MAX Train
Portland, Oregon

Overheard by: Amy Achterman

To Errol Is Human. My Dick: Divine.

Greek girlfriend: She misses you baby.
English boyfriend: Hm?
Greek girlfriend: She misses you.
English boyfriend: Who misses me?
Greek girlfriend: Helena.
English boyfriend: Who's Helena?
Greek girlfriend: My vagina, baby.
Indian guy at table: You named your snatch Helena?! Really? You named your vagina?
Greek girlfriend: Sure, don't you have a name for your dick?
Indian guy and English boyfriend, at same time: No.
Greek girlfriend: I've always thought of your dick as being called Errol, baby.

Leamington Spa
England

Overheard by: Bleep

Is That a Lip-Liner and EpiPen in One?

Hottie: Here ya go — put this in your man-purse for me, please.
Indie boyfriend, indignantly: It’s not a man-purse! It’s a medical evac bag!
Hottie: Okay. You got any bandages or sterile alcohol in there?
Indie boyfriend: … No.
Hottie: Yeah, right — it’s a man-purse. [Guy sullenly puts item in bag.]

Target, Saint Matthews
Louisville, Kentucky

Straight Guys See Women's Clothes Solely in Terms Of What They Cover

Annoyed wife trying on unattractive skirt: So what do you think?
Husband, with baby: It looks nice.
Annoyed wife, returning to dressing room: What do you know?
Husband to baby: Son, you have no chance.

Old Navy
South Carolina

Overheard by: Kempii

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