Male wedding-goer to female wedding-goer: Oh, you guys work here? Excellent! My sister's husband, oh, I mean my brother-in-law, sells semen. Bull semen.

Overheard by: best pick-up line ever

Man #1: You can fuck any part of the body if you have a sharp object close by.
Man #2: Just shut up and give me a beer.
Man #1: Seriously. Wouldn’t it be great if you were fucking someone’s ribs, and just as you came you punctured their lung, and with their last dying breath, it shot out their nose?
Man #2: Why are we friends?

Biddeford, Maine

Woman: I orgasmed here once.
Friend, cheerfully: Oh, I've done that several times!

James Brown Arena
Augusta, Georgia

Overheard by: Annissa

What Happens When Mom Isn't Around to Stop Him

Greasy man, with greasy chick hanging on him: On the walls! Cum all over the windows! Cum cum cum, I loooove to cum!

Harvard Square
Cambridge, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Savannah and Alena

Loud 20-something girl: Ew! Oysters taste like cum!
Quiet, conservative-looking 20-something girl: No, they don't! (immediately gets embarrassed and receives high fives from others at the table)

The Chimes
Baton Rouge, Louisiana

Gym rat #1: Maybe I can just get a pocket pussy. I think they’re expensive, though. Unless I can find a used one online.
Gym rat #2: Awww, dude! Who the fuck would sell one of those used?! And why would you buy it?!
Gym rat #1: Why not?
Gym rat #2: Why would you buy something that some other dude came in?!
Gym rat #1: You fuck girls that other guys have cum in before, haven’t you? At least a pocket pussy can be put in the dishwasher. Sure beats some chick refusing to shower!

Planet Fitness
Dorchester, Massachusetts

20-year-old guy to his friend: So then I finally find my laptop in the dumpster, covered in semen, so that's how that went.

Washington, DC

Overheard by: Vanessa Duguay

Girl: Mister, what’s that?
Teacher: That is an air purifier.
Girl: A what?
Teacher: An air purifier.
Girl: That’s crazy, what yo need an air purifier for?
Teacher: To get the pollen out of the air.
Girl: What’s pollen?
Teacher: Well, when trees have sex, they release pollen into the air.
Girl: You mean I am breathing in tree jizz!? [Shudders in repulsion at the thought.][Whole class laughs.]

High School
Austin, Texas

Tall, pale, blonde girl: And Joe and I realized that we are both ridiculously tall, blonde and blue-eyed. So Aryan. We're basically Hitler's wet dream.

Capitol Hill
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Celessa

High school punk #1: “Fluids” sounds better.
High school punk #2: I don't like fluids.
High school punk #1: And that's why you're flunking band!

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: SaraG(as in gee, I wonder what THAT means…)