Asian teenage girl: Wait, so did Jesus ejaculate wine?

Red Bank, New Jersey

Male student: I mean, I thought she wanted me to cum on her tummy!

Rutgers University
New Jersey

Overheard by: Alice Haefeli

College guy: This must be a joke. We live in a city called “Cumming,” we have a store called “BJ's,” and a store called “Dick's,” and a “Siemens” water tower.

Cumming, Georgia

Girl #1: He fucking made my bed this morning! It was cute!
Girl #2: Aawwwww. I love when they do that. If you're gonna mess around in my bed, you gotta make it. It's kinda my rule: if you're gonna cum on me, you better wash it off too.

Washington, DC

Overheard by: Meg

Frat boy to others: So you masturbate in a cup, right? Then you freeze it, and in the morning mix it with your protein powder.

George Mason University
Fairfax, Virginia

Overheard by: red

Hipster on cell: And then she started talking about trouser gravy…

Mesa College
San Diego, California

Overheard by: Tish

Hipster girl to friend (laughing): I was gagging, and then it was all over my neck.

Queen West

Random girl: And then I asked him, “So, how was that for you?” and then he said, “uh, I just came.”

Washington and Lee University
Lexington, Virginia

Skanky girl: My hair smells like cum.

Gleneagle Secondary School

Frat boy #1: … And it just came out on her thigh. He didn’t even get it in. Just wound up on her thigh.
Frat boy #2, mumbling: Dude! I hate when that happens.
Frat boy #1: What?!
Frat boy #2: I said I ate some chicken.

University of Alabama, Alabama

Overheard by: CB