Cum

Kid Surprises Are Fun, but Illegal

Woman #1, approaching register counter: Ooh! Kinder eggs! I love those things!
Woman #2: What are they?
Woman #1: They're chocolate! With something inside!
Cashier: They're hollow chocolate eggs.
Woman #1: With a surprise inside!
Woman #2: Ew!
Cashier: It's a toy.
Woman #2: Oh. A toy.
Cashier: Whoa, okay, just imagine you were a kid again, and what a surprise meant when you were a kid.
Woman #2: I know… I know. It's just, adult surprises are never fun.
Woman #1, walking out of store: What were you thinking it was going to be? A penis that would squirt all over you?
Woman #2: You never know! Adult surprises are always bad!

San Francisco, California

Every Lovemaking Session Is Like One Of the Matrix Movies

Blonde: So if you don't swallow it, where does it go?
Brunette, exasperated: I don't know, I dodge it!

Dorm
Amherst, Massachusetts

…When You Saw Dick Clark in Person?

Male student to another, seriously: So you just came in your pants?

Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute
Troy, New York

Hey, You’re the Experienced Pet-Sitter!

Cashier on cell phone: I mean… What’s the problem? Ejaculating? Is he ejaculating too much or too little? Which is the problem?

Shoprite
New Jersey

Overheard by: allison

You Can't Unring a Bell, Babe

Male bartender: Why'd you open a new grenadine? We have an open one right here. See? Cherry drips all over it.
Female bartender: I got your cherry drips right here. (pause) Wait. Never mind.

St. Louis Park, Minnesota

Overheard by: Whelan

Thanks, Pfizer!

60-year-old dad to son while leaving restaurant: Thanks for joining us for lunch. It was good. Now I can go home and spread my seed.

Chinese restuarant, 5 Mile and Merriman Road
Livonia, Michigan

…That's Sick!

Tiny black girl: And then I had to have Buckley's, and you know what? It tastes exactly like jizz.
Asian girl, perplexed: You've had Buckley's?

Pub
Toronto
Canadia

Further Evidence That College Doesn't Buy You Class

Dude #1, seeing sign reading “cum laude”: Look at that sign: cum load!
Dude #2: I was just going to say that!

Mol
Belgium

We Blame Sex & the City for This Conversation

Fun date #1: I hate it when guys want to cum on your face every time.
Fun date #2: Yeah, it gets in your eyes.
Fun date #1: And in your hair.
Fun date #3: Once in a while is okay, but not every time.

Outside Coffee Shop
Harrisonburg, Virginia

Overheard by: browny

Right Now, Looks Like It's All in Your Hair.

Director to actress playing Johanna in Sweeney Todd: I just want to see a little spunk on your face.

Reno, Nevada

Overheard by: CarvingMyNiche

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