Mother: And some armies have the sniper and he just picks them all off. Pkk pkk pkk.
Three-year-old with chicken pox (over still talking mother): I'm Spartacus!
Five-year-old without chicken pox: No, I'm Spartacus, you're Spartacus!
Mother, still talking: And then the detonator gets attached and once the fuse goes, it all goes boom!
Three-year-old: I'm Spartacus!
Five-year-old: You're Spartacus!
Flight between London and Liverpool
England
Overheard by: nadine
Guy: Did you see his hickie? It's huge!
Girl: He has a hickie? But I thought he was gay!
Avenue of the Stars
Century City, California
Guy about to buy beer: ID? ID? I'm 56-motherfucking-years-old! I don't need no ID! (reaches into cart and pulls out items) Here's my damn ID! I'm buying hemorrhoid cream and Fixodent!
Winn Dixie
Hammond, Louisiana
Overheard by: betsy
Hyperactive son in doctor's waiting room: We've been here practically an hour!
Mother: And whose fault is that?
Son: You could have let me go…
Mother: It's my fault. It's my fault for giving birth to you.
Norwich
England
Substitute teacher to class: I have a theory that everything in the world is derived from grilled cheese sandwiches.
Student: What about things made out of meat? You know, like animals and people?
Substitute teacher: That's where my theory ends.
High School, Missouri
Overheard by: can's wait to graduate
Bus driver: Excuse me. (no one looks at him) Excuse me! (he continues driving) Was I supposed to make that turn?
Everyone within earshot: No!
Bus driver: My bad!
Lady in front row: Tell that to my boss when I walk in late.
dcist.com
Girl to friend: So on the way here, I joined the mile high club…by myself!
Auburn University
Auburn, Alabama
Prof: So, how's everything at home?
Italian cafe worker: My dog died.
Prof: Oh my god, I'm so sorry. Was he old?
Italian cafe worker: Yes. But I can't bury him. The ground is frozen. There's snow.
Prof: You could have him cremated.
Italian cafe worker: I have him in my freezer. I had to clear it out, my freezer. All the food is out. I'm going to keep him there 'til mud season when I can bury him in the backyard.
Prof: Oh.
Landmark College
Putney, Vermont
