Guy exiting art class to female friend: I sleep through that whole class. It's all I can do.
Girl: What about when she asks attendance questions?
Guy: Well, I wake up for that part. It's just… God, I hate her! She's always talking about vaginas! And I'm just like, “Hello! I know what a vagina looks like!”
Auburn University
Auburn, Alabama
Captain, over intercom, after lights go out: You are getting veeeery sleeeeeepy… You do not want peaaanuts… You do not want soooodaaa… You just want to sleeeep until we laaaaand.
Southwest Airlines Flight over California
Overheard by: Andrew
Concerned middle aged woman: But there is no such thing as a burrito fairy!
Flight over Maryland
Girl #1: He's massive?
Girl #2: Yeah, I heard he impaled someone!
Girl #1: I just meant he's tall.
Vienna
Austria
20-something #1: So I saw the earrings on his nightstand and I took them.
20-something #2: What? You really took them? Why?
20-something #1: Because she took two of his t-shirts when she left the other night, and left her earrings behind so she would have an excuse to see him again! It's like Fatal Attraction!
20-something #2: But you took her earrings, and still spent the night with him after she did! What the hell? (pause) Are those them?
20-something #1: Yeah.
20-something #2: They're cute.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: A Cheek
Dispatcher on police scanner: A subject was just robbed at gunpoint by a black male wearing no clothing.
Cop #1: Can we get a clothing description?
Cop #2, after silence: Just look for a naked man with a gun.
News Station
Jackson, Mississippi
Literacy lecturer with thick Russian accent: When you have a guest, you say to them “feel yourself at home.”
Monash University
Australia
Girl to two friends: Well, he was okay because he could still introduce himself, could still make out with her, and could still pop a boner.
Texas Christian University
Fort Worth, Texas
Girlfriend throwing arms around boyfriend: I hope someone who is really lonely is looking at us right now!
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: James
Professor: If you walk into a dark room, you're not going to just step on a cat laying in the middle of the floor.
University of Maryland
College Park, Maryland
Overheard by: Brittany
