Education

Boy: So why did you move here?
Girl: I was gonna go to art school and then I wrote this big essay and my cat shit on it.
Boy: Literally shit on it?
Girl: Yeah, I took it as a sign.

18 Bus
Seattle, Washington

British theater professor: Well, you know Hong Kong used to belong to Britain. (angrily) Everything used to belong to Britain.

Theater Class, UMass
Amherst, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Chanimal

Pastor: Next week we have something very exciting! We have an organist coming into Sunday school! He will be demonstrating to us how he uses his organ, so make sure to come because you won't want to miss it!

Church
Alhambra, California

Professor: You can't look at a record and hear the music…unless you're really baked.

Decatur, Illinois

Man, pointing out the window, to his wife: Look, honey, they even have cars!

http://zipster.wordpress.com/2007/08/15/overheard-on-the-plane-as-we-were-landing-in-puerto-vallarta/

Overheard by: The Zipster

Professor: It’s like IKEA — you buy some furniture, think you can put it all together, you go home and fail and then go slit your wrists in the corner.

http://overheardatwestern.blogspot.com/2007/04/or-stab-yourself-in-eye-with-allen-key.html

Overheard by: shawn

Student: How do you spell “wear”? W-e-a-r? (pause) That is the stupidest thing I've ever said.

San Diego, California

Professor: You just need to expose yourself! That's how you better yourself!

Middle Tennessee State Univ
Murfreesboro, Tennessee

Overheard by: Libby K.

Professor: So, I can see that some of you try to care about my feelings, and others don't give a fig.
Student #1: Whoa! Could you not use such harsh vegetables?
(entire class goes silent)
Student #2: I didn't know a “fig” was a vegetable.
Student #3: I thought it was a grape. A dried grape.

Johnson & Wales University
Providence, Rhode Island

Evolution professor: So why can't humans have more then just two sexes? Man, that'd be a lot of fun, wouldn't it?
Class: (uncontrollable laughter)
Evolution professor: Oh, I can see. (pause) I shouldn't have said anything, let's continue…

UC
Santa Cruz, California

Overheard by: I'm glad he said it