Just As Long As It's Hot, Steamy Coffee, Okay?

20-something girl, skipping over to expensive jewelery shop window: Ooooh! Sparkly things!
20-something guy: Fuck.
20-something girl, eyes shining with delight: Oh… Look at the rings… They're beautiful! (sighs)
20-something guy: No.
20-something girl: Look at that one! It's cheap!
20-something guy: It's £450!
20-something girl: You just got paid! Oh, look! That one's even prettier and sparklier!
20-something guy: Granted… But there's also no price tag… So it's probably gonna be £1,000 at least.
20-something girl, resignedly: Yeah. (perks up) But you're my friend… (pleading voice) Buy me a ring… Pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaasssse!
20-something guy: Look, for a £1,000 ring I'm going to expect at least a couple of shags.
20-something girl: True. Oh, well. Let's go get coffee. (skips off)

Burlington Arcade
London
England

Overheard by: Bleep

Posted on May 15, 2018
Couples, England, Gifts, Money, Sex, Shopping

But at Least She Felt Comfortable Coming Out to Us

Elderly woman #1: And all her chinaware was Royal Worcester!
Elderly woman #2, looking shocked: No! Really? You wouldn't tell by looking at her, would you?
Elderly woman #1, shaking head: No, you would not.

Rural Staffordshire
England

Posted on May 4, 2018
Compare and contrast, Default, England, Gossip, Names, Old folks, Questions, Women

Why Would I Wipe It Off?

Suit: So yeah, I found out how my boss's boss takes his tea, and I took him a cup this morning, along with a muffin.
Non-suit: And did you remember to take a napkin to wipe his feces from your nose?

London
England

Overheard by: Eastender

Posted on January 4, 2018
Bosses, Employees, England, Food, Jobs & Careers, Poop, Questions

What Passes for Raucous Wit, in Britain

Lady on loudspeaker: The train on platform 3 is going to Edgeware Road. The train on platform 4 is for Embankment Station. District Line services are not running between Embankment and Whitechapel. Platform 3 is for Edgeware Road, platform 4 is for Embankment. If you are still on this platform after these trains leave, you are lost and confused and need to find a member of staff.

Earl's Court Station
London
England

Posted on October 6, 2017
Compare and contrast, Default, England, Geography, Jobs & Careers, Public transportation, Train, Weirdness, Women

Maybe British Pizza.

Construction worker eating pizza: So basically, pizza is just glorified cheese on toast.

Hatton Garden
London
England

Overheard by: Katy Out To Lunch

Posted on September 26, 2017
Compare and contrast, Construction workers, England, Food

Just Really Effeminate Little Boys with Long, Flowing Hair

Mother, queuing at nativity play: Well, of course, she was disappointed to be a shepherd. I mean, children are smart these days. She knows full well there weren't any female shepherds back then.

Milton Keynes
England

Posted on May 14, 2017
England, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Moms

In and Out, In and Out, All Night Long

Conductor: Mind the gap, doors closing. (train does not move) Those naughty, naughty doors.

London
England

Overheard by: ren

Posted on March 11, 2017
Advice, Conductors, Default, England, Offers and requests, Public transportation, Train

Who Couldn't?!

Guy: If you could put a moose and en elk in a wind tunnel, could you work out which one generates more lift better if they were the right way up or upside down?

London
England

Overheard by: Bemused