Goth girl: I’m so proud of my sister. The rest of her classmates are doing their final projects on chihuahuas and stuff like that. My sister? Serial killers.
Friend: Dude, you’re turning her into a you.
Goth girl: I know! My mom is so pissed at me.
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
College girl: Remember that girl who admitted to stealing my clothes from the laundry room?
Friend: Yeah?
College girl: Well, she finally gave me my clothes back at the end of the semester before she mysteriously disappeared. I was like going through them and I found not just my clothes, but like other people’s clothes too. Not just girls either. I found tighty-whities and shit. But the weirdest part was at the bottom of the basket. There was a plastic bag of jewelry ranging from like cheapo rhinestone shit to like semiprecious stones, a tv remote with no batteries, a crazy-straw, some masking tape, an empty lipstick tube thing, and a handful of Canadian money.
Newark, New Jersey
Marine to friend: So, it’s like a long story. But basically my mom shot my boyfriend.
CostCo
VictorVille, California
Teen girl #1: Oh my god! Really? Well, even though you’re three weeks late, you totally don’t have to worry until a month after you guys actually did it. So you’ve definitely got at least a week left until you need to start worrying.
Teen girl #2: … Really?
Teen girl #1: Yes, I’m completely sure. You’re totally fine. Golden. Except that you’re 17 and might be pregnant.
Dallas Airport
Dallas, Texas
20-ish girl, reminiscing: Yeah, one year we deep-fried a turkey… But then the driveway caught on fire.
Friend, laughing: What?! How?!
20-ish girl, distressed: I don’t want to talk about it right now.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Celessa Dietzel
Friend #1: You’re not inhaling!
Smoking girl: Do I have to inhale?
Friend #1: Yeah. Otherwise you’re not really smoking.
Friend #2: You’re just getting mouth cancer.
Bryn Mawr College
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Club guy: You asked him if he has ever seen Dances with Wolves?
Club girl: Well, yeah. He’s Native American!
Club guy: That’s like asking a Jewish person if they have ever seen Fiddler on the Roof!
Ohio State University, High Street
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Tuition Wasted
Guy: No, Derek* is definitely gay.
Girl #1: No, he’s not! He has naked pictures of girls all over his walls and MySpace and everything.
Girl #2: So? You know he only has those because he likes to paint chickens on them!
Seattle, Washington
