Sculpted to Look Like a Hamburger

Vegetarian, pointing to pink thing on her plate: What animal is that?
Waitress: That's a pear.

Mt. Vernon, New York

Overheard by: Deek

Posted on August 11, 2017
Animals, Default, Employees, Fruit, New York, Questions, Restaurants

…Well, Great to See You Again!

Girl: Didn't I lick maple syrup off you once?
Guy: I thought I licked maple syrup off you.
Girl: Really?
Guy: Wait, no. It was honey.
Girl: Oh, yeah. Honey.

Norfolk, Virginia

Overheard by: Olivia

Posted on May 21, 2017
Default, Food, Fruit, Girls, Guys, Licking, Questions, Virginia

Were We Ever?

Female student #1: You sure you want me to feed you this banana?
Female student #2: Get on with it, will you?
Female student #1: This thing's pretty big. I wouldn't want to choke you.
Female student #2: Don't worry about it. I've had much bigger.
Youngish professor: (raises eyebrows)
Female student #2: You think I'm kidding? I've had some pretty big ones. Think you can give me a bigger one?
Youngish professor (blushing): Um, possibly.
Female student #2: Well, I'd like to see that.
Female student #3: Um, are we still talking about bananas here?

Classroom
UCSC, California

Posted on February 25, 2017
BJs, California, Class, Euphemisms, Fruit, Girls, Students, Teachers

…As Is Jewish Custom.

20-something girl on cell: She washed all the fruit before putting it into the bowl. (pause) We're gonna need a medium-sized male stripper to go along with it, also.

NJ Transit
New Jersey

Posted on June 27, 2016
Fruit, New Jersey, On the phone, Sexuality

Geez, You Better

Girl to friends: Did he use a condom? No, never mind, you don’t use a condom when you’re fucking grapefruit.

Montreal
Canadia

Posted on October 29, 2015
Canadia, Chicks, Condoms, Fruit

Here, Have Some Incense and Peppermints

Hippie guy: I suggest you stop picking up small animals and fruit skins. It’s not good for you.

Eugene, Oregon

Posted on June 21, 2015
Advice, Animals, Default, Fruit, Guys, Hippies, Oregon

Golden Showers Count As “Animal,” Right?

Mid-20s girl: So, I’ve been a vegetarian for about six years now and I’m trying to phase out all animal products.
Mid-40s woman: Oh, I could never be a vegetarian, I’d die. I like my potatoes too much.
Mid-20s girl: Umm… Potatoes are vegetables.
Mid-40s woman: Yeah, I guess you’re right. But I mean like peas and stuff.

Kokomo, Indiana

Overheard by: Justin

Posted on November 20, 2014
Animals, Compare and contrast, Feelings, Food, Fruit, Girls, Idiots, Indiana, Stupidity, Weirdness, Women

…Although You're Kind Of Taking the Choice Out Of My Hands Right Now.

40-something pant suit lady #1: I've been trying to cut back on my calories.
40-something pant suit lady #2: Well, you should try…
40-something pant suit lady #3, interrupting: You should try eating a lot of fruit.
40-something pant suit lady #1: Yeah, that sounds like a great idea, my friend told me about…
40-something pant suit lady #2, interrupting: No one ever listens to me! You're always ignoring what I'm saying, and I have a lot of good things to say. (turns to 20-something male at next table) You would listen to me wouldn't you?
20-something male, looking annoyed: No.

Panera
Norfolk, Virginia

Overheard by: Sweedie