Guys

20-something guy: Dude, Putin is terrifying. I don't think I've ever seen him crack a smile.
Middle aged woman: I know! Don't you ever wonder what he's like, like, during sex?
20-something guy and girl in unison: No.

Virginia Commonwealth University

Elderly man: Human beings are rats.
Uncomfortable young man: Are you sure about that? Rats seem more…furry.
Elderly man: Human beings are furless rats.

Washington, DC

Overheard by: Listening, speechless.

Boy: Why didn't black people just move back to Africa after slavery ended?
Girl: They didn't have the money to.
Boy: They could have gotten the money if they really wanted.
Girl: They didn't want to move back to Africa! They wanted to stay here, they just wanted equal rights. What's wrong with that?
Boy: I'm just saying that they could have moved back if they wanted rights and stuff.
Girl: That's the most retarded thing I've ever heard. Seriously, just stop talking.
(some time later)
Girl: This is why I hate white people, no offense you guys. I don't hate you personally, just as a race in general. They piss me off.
Boy: That's racist. Wow, this tastes good.

Panera at Fashion Square Mall
Orlando, Florida

Guy to TA, during archaeology midterm exam: When it says “How did they adapt physically?” does that mean…like…physically?

University of Washington
Seattle, Washington

Guy: You know what you need? You need your asshole licked.
Girl, deadly serious: I've had my asshole licked. That is not what I need.

Planetfest 2008
Jacksonville, Florida

Overheard by: Raynay

High school boy: From now on, I'm going to do everything as homosexually as possible.

Bellingham, Washington

Guy with small crowd around him (completely straight-faced): So we're doing everything we can to ensure that there'll be as little incest going on as possible. (crowd nods)

Hofstra University, New York

Guy: I mean, she was a one on a binary scale, but…

Harvard University
Cambridge, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Lulia

Guy to friend: So I said to him, “you wanna be a clown and you don't even know who fucking Bozo is?!”

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: phuqmonkey

Persian princess: That's why I really want to be into journalism. I think that being somewhere where there's, like, a tsunami or earthquake is really exciting to me…
Horny first date: Yeah, yeah…
Persian princess (breathy pause): I guess I just really want to work for MTV.

Santana Row
San Jose, California

Overheard by: Demitra