Boy to friend: I'm totally capable of giving birth to a live teddy bear.
High School
Clarksville, Maryland
Professor: They were playing the Rocky theme song while I was trying to think great thoughts.
McDaniel College, Maryland
Old white lady, leaving table with a flourish: Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to the bathroom to shoot up.
Lemongrass
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Loves Her Some Thai Food
Four-year-old ballerina #1: I need to ask my mom.
Four-year-old ballerina #2: That’s good, because my house is crap.
Pre-ballerina: Well, it’s not crap — we just have a lot of crap in it.
Four-year-old ballerina #1: Can I come over to your place and play?
Dance studio
Maryland
Little girl, inside port-a-potty: Mommy! Mommy!
Mommy: Just be quiet and go potty.
Little girl: Mommy, do you know what it feels like in here? It’s like a little house where I’ll always be protected.
Renaissance Festival
Maryland
Overheard by: Nancy Whiskey
College guy: I'm scared!
College girl: Just do it!
College guy: No, I'm scared!
College girl: Be a man!
College guy: I don't wanna!
Salisbury, Maryland
8th grade health teacher, answering why you can't put a condom on when you're not erect: So…um, when it's not hard, it's just like there, you know, flapping in the wind…
Silver Spring, Maryland
Overheard by: nice thought…
Male student: So, how’s your new roommate?
Female student: Well, she has one hundred thirty-three thongs.
Male student: She sounds like a horrible person.
Maryland Institute College of Art
Baltimore, Maryland
Music history professor, putting a CD in the player: And now we pray to the god of CDs. It’s not good to be a teacher with CDs. They are very stupid things. [Pause.] …It’s not good to be a teacher, perhaps that’s what it is.
Peabody Conservatory
Baltimore, Maryland
