Because That Upcoming Chess Tournament Won’t Win Itself

Mom to little kid: How was Tae Kwon Do, honey? Did you learn how to break someone’s nose?

http://overheardlines.blogspot.com/2007/04/cute-soccer-mom-picking-up-cute-little.html

Overheard by: jeff

Posted on June 8, 2020
Moms, Overheard Lines, Questions

I'm Pretty Sure Steve Urkel Had a Gas-Mask Bong

Teen girl: Mom, guess what he got me for an early Christmas present?
Mother: What, honey?
Teen girl: A gas-mask bong–like in that movie Knocked Up. And it's purple!
Mother: Jeez, your dork-o-meter is in the red.

MARTA Train
Atlanta, Georgia

Posted on May 29, 2020
Default, Family ties, Georgia, Girls, Moms, Movies, Questions, Teens, Train, Women

At the Hermaphroditic Contortionist Children's Support Group

Five-year-old girl, pointing at store window: Balls!
Young mom: That's right honey, those are balls, but you ate your balls, huh?
Five-year-old girl: I ate my balls!

Buffalo, New York

Posted on May 23, 2020
Balls, Food, Kids, Moms, New York, Parenting, Shopping

Every Time I Try That, I Lose Some Memory

Mom: Arrrrgh. My brain just isn’t working today!
Eight-year-old (deadpan): Did you try turning it off and on again?

Steveston
Canadia

Overheard by: laughing sangria out my nose

Posted on May 14, 2020
Advice, Canadia, Default, Gripes, Kids, Moms, Questions, Technology

I'm Beginning to Regret Letting You Steal Me from That Playground

Four-year old: But I want to go in there!
Frazzled mother: No! Let's go, we have to get home.
Four-year old (crying): You aren't the right mother for me!

Berlin
Germany

Posted on April 20, 2020
Compare and contrast, Default, Germany, Gripes, Kids, Moms, Parenting, Wishes

…With a Bastard Vampire Baby

Mom to daughter in Team Edward t-shirt: If you were taking your pill in the first place, you wouldn't be pregnant right now.

New Hampshire

Overheard by: let me kick her in the stomach

Posted on April 18, 2020
Moms, New Hampshire, Parenting, Preggers, Pregnancy

Wait– What Exactly Are You Using As a Volleyball?

Mom to three-year-old son under the table: Whatcha’ doin’ under there, buddy?
Three-year-old son: Playing volleyball.
Dad: Volleyball? Smells like you’re pooping your pants.
Three-year-old son, giggling: I am.
Three-year-old son’s sister to friend: See, I told you it wasn’t the food.

Los Tres Amigos Mexican Restaurant
Michigan

Overheard by: Scott

Posted on March 29, 2020
Default, Family ties, Food, Girls, Guys, Kids, Lies, Michigan, Moms, Poop, Questions, Restaurants, Sensory experiences, Siblings

And That’s How You Were Conceived

WASP mom to her two pre-teen kids: Your father got fucked in the ass.

Micawber Books
Princeton, New Jersey

Overheard by: office peon

Posted on March 26, 2020
Backdoor, Gossip, Moms, New Jersey, Parenting

And Now It’s Dying

Toddler in stroller: I need to pee!
Mom: We just peed on the tree.

Davis, California

Posted on March 19, 2020
California, Kids, Moms, Pee

I Kinda Shake Myself Like a Wet Dog

Little girl: Mommy, I have to go to the bathroom!
Mom: Okay, well, I don’t think there is any toilet paper. You’ll have to drip-dry.
Little girl: Okay! I love drip-drying!

St. Louis, Missouri

Posted on March 5, 2020
Kids, Missouri, Moms, Pee

Moms