Old folks

Middle-aged Jewish lady with thick Queens accent flipping through People magazine: So, what do you think about this whole thing with Madonna?
90-year-old man sitting next to her: Who?
Middle-aged Jewish lady: Madonna.
Man: Who?
Middle-aged Jewish lady: Madonna.
Man: Who?
Middle-aged Jewish lady: Madonna!
Man: Oh! The colored guy! Yeah, I don't think he'll win.

Jetblue Flight
Florida to New York

Overheard by: JoeQ

Old woman on bus: I have a skirt like that.
Young professional woman: Really?
Old woman: I can't wear it. I can't wear skirts that short. I'm too old.
Young professional: Oh.
Old woman: But it cost a lot, so I wore it as a halloween costume.
Young professional: Really.
Old woman: Everyone thought I was a hooker.

Portland, Oregon

Old man to group of kids: And then it turned into a he-she! (kids gasp)

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: paulyy

Old man employee:… So I was at the Cabbage Patch Kid factory in Georgia…
Young trailer trash dude employee: Cabbage Patch Kids?!? I’d rather hold hands with a midget clown than play with one of those things!

Hardware Store
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: kat

Mexican boy: We have to get up at 4 in the morning to go to school every day.
Mexican grandma: Yeah, well, I had to swim the Rio Grande to get to this country. So what?

Third Street Promenade
Santa Monica, California

Overheard by: Amused third generation Mexican

72-year-old lady: The last time I was carded buying alcohol I was 35 and pregnant.

Kohl’s
Dunedin, Florida

Old man: You got bats in your belfry?
Jaded 20-something: Yeah, I don't know what I've got in my belfry…

Jersey City, New Jersey

Old man to another, over lunch: And once one of the Germans got constipated, none of us could shit for weeks!

Valparaiso, Indiana

Elderly lady to another: I wonder what God's doing right now. Probably drunk, celebrating his 400th birthday.

Washingtonville, New York

Overheard by: Trisha

80-year-old grandmother walking feebly down the stairs: I'm not drunk; I'm handicapped.
Daughter assisting her: She's drunk and handicapped.
80-year-old grandmother: Okay. That's true… I just didn't want to bring my cane.

Turner Field, Braves Game
Atlanta, Georgia

Overheard by: Drunk, but Not Handicapped