Old folks

Old man: Are you going somewhere exciting?
Girl with suitcase: Not really. But when I get there, I’m getting laid.

http://overheardinpdx.blogspot.com/2007/05/friendly-skies.html

Overheard by: aaron

Old woman: It's like flowers were spitting out of my ass, so don't go telling me how bright and shiny your (makes finger quotes) “effing” life is!

Small Town
Nebraska

60-year-old journalism professor: Oh, the choking game? Heh… I play that all the time.

Emerson College
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Sarah

Grandma: I don't like these halogen lightbulbs. They are ugly, like men's penises.

Calgary
Alberta
Canadia

Overheard by: Martha

Sweet old lady: Well, when we moved to Gilbert we started up a garden and thought we had volunteer tomato plants.
Sweet middle aged lady: Volunteer?
Sweet old lady: You know, they came up without us planting them. So I started watering them and giving them fertilizer, and they got pretty big. Then one day I was eating dinner and I saw a boy jump over our fence in the back, rip out one of the plants, and take off with it!
Sweet middle aged lady: He stole a tomato plant?
Sweet old lady: Well, there was a sheriff down the street a few days later, so I told him about it. He came over to look at them, and told me they were marijuana plants!
Sweet middle aged lady: They weren't tomatoes?
Sweet old lady: I thought they were, but whoever lived there before us must have planted marijuana in their yard, and when I started watering they sprung up again.
Sweet middle aged lady: That gives me a funny feeling, knowing your house had drug users in it.

Tucson, Arizona

Overheard by: Mia

Elderly woman: You know… It’s so hard to eat pancakes in the nude!

Winchester, Virginia

Overheard by: SB

60-something guy, earnestly, to table full of seemingly level-headed adults: They're going to turn the moon into a weapon, the most powerful weapon ever…

Restaurant
Reno, Nevada

Overheard by: mini-me

Old man #1: Oh my god! You’re still alive?!
Old man #2: Well, yeah, ya old fuck!

Hoboken, New Jersey

Overheard by: Wendy GK

Grandson, watching grandmother hold cigar as if it was a joint: If grandma takes off her bra and burns it, I'm gonna freak out.
Grandma: Oh, Simon! I'm not wearing one.

Spencer, Iowa

Old lady: You know how it’s Jake’s* birthday in a week or two? And you know how he likes black leather?
20-ish granddaughter, whispering: Grandma! You’re making him sound like a homosexual!
Old lady: Well, it’s not like I’m going to get him assless chaps.

Eagle Ridge Hospital
Coquitlam, Bristish Columbia
Canadia