I Blame Our Science Teacher for Your Potassium Fetish

Wannabe scene chick on phone: I drew another picture for you. There's a banana involved again. (pause) You and your bananas!

Chesapeake, Virginia

Posted on March 3, 2020
Body parts, Food, Girls, On the phone, Virginia, Weirdness

Though I’d Always Pictured You As More of a Titmouse

Suit on cell: Wait, while I’ve got you on the phone, what’s your animal spirit name? … Ah, ‘White Wolf’ — of course. All right, see you then.

Coffee shop
Indianapolis, Indiana

Overheard by: Baffled Bear

Posted on February 17, 2020
Animals, Default, Indiana, Names, On the phone, Questions, Suits

Straight Love Is So 20th Century

Guy on cell: Oh, for fuck’s sake! Is it a lesbian wedding? … Is it a lesbian wedding? Then fuck it!

Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Mephisto

Posted on February 14, 2020
Gripes, On the phone, Sexuality, Washington

If You Double-Clutch Me, I’ll Bite It Off

Girl on cell: Yes, that’s exactly how I want to die! You driving us drunk down the highway at a hundred miles per hour while I give you head and you use one hand to play with my tits and the other to shift gears!

University of Delaware
Newark, Delaware

Overheard by: Anne

Posted on January 19, 2020
BJs, Delaware, On the phone

I Don't Know Whether To Laugh, Say “Awww….”, Call DSS, Or Puke In My Mouth

Lady on cell: Just because she's wearing big-girl panties doesn't mean she's not your baby.

Target
Midwest City, Okahoma

Posted on January 17, 2020
Clothes, Oklahoma, On the phone, Parenting, Stores, Undies, Women

Raising Vampires Is a Thankless Job

Old man on cell: Are they suckling decently? (pause) You might as well get it over with and drown them, if you know what I mean. (pause) Well, yeah, but are they swallowing?

Michigan State University