Remember, These Are the Guys Who Treat Our Nipples Like Radio Dials

Girl #1: I wonder if there are exercises to strengthen that.
Girl #2: I know. I tried to look into it once because I can't go down that far without gagging. Is that weird? I want skill tips.
Girl #1: I just use my hand a lot so I don't have to skit it down far.
Girl #2: Okay, so I think it's because I started out with not a lot of girth, but now guys are like, “you can squeeze harder.” And I'm like, “uuum…are you sure?” I feel like I”m going to break your fucking dick off.
Girl #1: Yeah. It makes it go faster. Dicks are resilient. Get violent.

Madison Children's Museum
Madison, Wisconsin

Posted on November 2, 2008
Advice, BJs, Body parts, Default, Girls, Penis, Violence, Wisconsin

Men Are More Like Women Than We Like to Think

American bimbo, standing in front of an Italian painting of a martyr bleeding from his leg: Uhh, why is he, like, bleeding from his penis?

The Louvre
Paris
France

Overheard by: American art student

Posted on October 31, 2008
Bimbettes, Default, France, Penis, Questions, Stupidity

Later the Cafeteria Staff Served Us Pasta Boobies

Random freshman: And then this junior girl came up to me and was like, “look at this penis on my locker…his name is Napoleon.”

Lakeland Regional High School
Wanaque, New Jersey

Overheard by: kristina

Posted on October 28, 2008
Default, Guys, History, Names, New Jersey, Penis, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Students

Because at the Moment I'm a Good Dad

Voice across patio: So, I'm trying to be good mom, so I took the gonorrhea test. I'm all about the penis.

Billings, Montana

Posted on October 25, 2008
Default, Montana, Parenting, Penis, STDs

Eli Whitney: I Swear, Sir, That Was Never My Intention!

Drunk college girl: She doesn't use tampons because she doesn't want anything up there except her husband's dick? So, if she used tampons she'd be like, “Oh, I'm sorry honey, I lost my virginity to a cotton stick?” What a retard!

Nashville, Tennessee

Overheard by: Megan

Posted on October 17, 2008
Default, Drunks, Health & Hygiene, Insults, Penis, Relationships, Sorority types, Stupidity, Tennessee

Take That Little Hat Off It, Timmy

Two-year-old: Daddy, do I have a penis?
Father: Yes, you do.
Two-year-old: Ha ha! Silly penis.

Chicago, Illinois

Posted on September 26, 2008
Dads, Default, Guys, Illinois, Insults, Kids, Penis, Questions

And I Speak From Experience

Guy: I wonder why they don't make “ribbed for her pleasure” Magnums.
Girl: Because if your shit's that big to need a Magnum, it's already her pleasure.

CVS
Atlanta, Georgia

Posted on August 30, 2008
Condoms, Default, Georgia, Girls, Guys, Penis, Stores

You Only Get Circumsized Once, Sweetie

Mother to four-year-old in doctor's waiting room: Come on, Sam*, we're next.
Sam: Are we seeing the doctor?
Mother: Yup.
Sam: (pause) Well, okay. As long as he doesn't look at my penis.

Hurstbridge Medical Center
Hurstbridge
Australia

Posted on August 18, 2008
Australia, Default, Doctor's office, Health & Hygiene, Kids, Moms, Names, Penis

Penis