Man to wife: The only reason it's an aphrodisiac is because it takes huge balls to cut the penis off a tiger.

Burough Market

Overheard by: Justyn Egert

Guy yelling at roommate from window: Hey, Jimmy*! The girls are the ones without the penises!

Overheard by: anonymous

Nerdy Asian guy: My friend is having a problem…
Drunk Asian guy: Can you solve it with your penis?


Overheard by: Amused

Professor: We are going to talk about tea rooms. Which involve no tea. Unless by “tea,” you mean “cock.”


Overheard by: Em

Asian girl: Can I have two penises?

Market Street
San Francisco, California

Tall adolescent: Peach sucks. Daisy's okay, but peach sucks.
Short adolescent: See, I've always been more of a toad fan. Even if he does look kind of like a circumcised wang.
Tall adolescent: Oh, you.

Missoula, Montana

Enthusiastic teenager, waving hands emphatically: If you can deep throat a banana, you can suck a dick!

Tallahassee, Florida

Overheard by: If you can wax a car…

Girl: What smells like lemon poppy seed cupcakes?
Guy: It might be my penis.

Bayonne, New Jersey

Stoner guitarist: I got shot in the dick with an Airsoft. Seriously, check this shit out. (unzips his pants)
Guy: Just to let you know, before you do that, I am a homosexual.

Local Show
Gulfport, Mississippi

Girl to friend, walking from their car: Jesus, Amber, nobody thinks you have a penis.

Nashville, Tennessee