Guy on cell: It’s easy — just grab the dick in one hand and a beer in the other!

Carmen’s Bodega

Overheard by: rymden

Girl: I basically touched his dick, through the transitive property.

Northbrok, Illinois

Overheard by: Jake

Student: Have you ever heard of the penis game?
Female professor: Which one? I've played many penis games.

Greek Myth Class
Illinois Wesleyan University

Overheard by: problem

Girl #1: So my computer is dead, and I don't know how to fix it.
Girl #2: What do you think is wrong with it?
Girl #1: It's got a virus. But it was totally worth it.
Girl #2: Oh, yeah? Why?
Girl #1: Well, Mary* and I were curious and wanted to know if midgets' dicks are normal-sized or midget-sized, so we were looking up midget porn.
Girl #2: And the verdict is?
Girl #1: They're normal-sized. This one guy was seriously a tripod. It's incredible.
Male bartender: Yeah, I can see how that would be worth a completely devastating virus on your computer. Can you write down the website you found it on?

Killarney's Pub
Hamilton, New Jersey

Overheard by: Currrly!

Old lady: I'm not very hungry, I'm gonna have something small.
Old man: If you wanted something small, we would have stayed at home and I would have given you something small.

Lester's Diner
Fort Lauderdale, Florida

Tween: Should I get Fanta or cock?

Perth, Washington

Overheard by: shocked older sister.

Hoochie, about guy she met on a band trip: He was gorgeous, with a dick as big as my arm! [Notices band class is listening] Oh, my bad.

High school

Student: Somebody drew a triforce in the bathroom.
Teacher: There’s a penis in the hall and now a triforce in the bathroom?

English Class
Arcadia, California

Overheard by: Sam

Psychology instructor: If you look at the castle in The Little Mermaid, you'll see there are some phallic subliminal messages…
Student in the back row: It's a giant penis castle!

Psychology Class, Northwestern University

Teen girl: Dad, stop talking about Hugh Grant's penis!

Concord, Massachusetts