Conductor: Everybody please be patient, we have an obstruction on the tracks. Police are working to clear it, we will continue as soon as they finish.
Young suit: We're in a 55-ton battering ram, why did we even stop?
MAX Rail
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Ram Das
Conductor, over intercom: Rub-a-dub-dub!
Chicago, Illinois
Lady, bumping into man: What? You're so in a rush you have to knock me down?!
Man: Sorry, I was gonna ask you the same thing.
Lady: Watch where you're going!
Man: Please leave me alone!
Lady: No! You leave me alone!
Metro
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Jim
(the road is closed for Chinese New Year parade)
Bus driver: Folks, we’ll be alright. We’re going to take a right on Sansome, a left on Broadway, and a left on Stockton. We’ll rejoin the original route at Stockton and Sacramento. Don’t worry. Everything will be alright. As long as I still get paid, it’s okay.
San Francisco, California
Gross girl: Well, that girl's bathroom wasn't that bad.
Grosser guy: Well, the flies come to the men's because they like the pee pee floor. Mmmhmm.
Metro Red Line
Washington, DC
Vaguely thuggish flight attendant: Aiiight, y'all, welcome aboard United Airlines…don't know the flight number, but we're going to Detroit, and that's all that matters.
Delayed Flight from Washington, DC
Overheard by: keeeeem
Goth lolita girl: I'm sensing some copyright violations in your aura.
Emo guy: Nuh-uh!
Chatswood Station
Sydney
Australia
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we're stopped here because Amtrak's having signal trouble. They're working on the line, but don't know how long it'll take. We could be here five minutes, we could be here fifty minutes.
Loudmouthed commuter: I don't believe this–the same fucking thing happened on Monday!
Even louder commuter: Why the fuck you gotta use language like that?
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, let me remind you it is not the conductors' fault the train is stopped. We want to go home too, and we're stuck here on this train with you.
NJ Transit
Overheard by: Graceful Space
Bum women: Do you have bus fare? I need bus fare.
Woman: Sorry, I don’t have any change.
Bum: Well, fuck you, you fat, scheming, cheap bitches!
Main Street
Hartford, Connecticut
Mother to son: I’m not sure, but I think grandma was high.
Union Station
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Seska
