Teachers

Life Was Better When Knowledge Was the Province Of Those Who Could Lie About It

Biology professor: Hey, didn’t they discover that process in corals?
Grad student: No, they discovered that in plants.
Biology professor: That’s what I just said!
Grad student: But coral is not a plant.
Biology professor: What? Yes, it is!
Grad student: No, it’s not, it’s an animal!
Biology professor: Since when?
Grad student: Since always — go look it up!
Biology professor, after disappearing for five minutes: Fucking Wikipedia…

3400 North Charles Street
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: How’d you get this job, anyway?

You Really Do Get a Little Something Extra at the Ivies

Diminutive Asian girl: Well, I think that…
English professor: Isn’t “Balls!” such a great expression? It’s just so… you know… I give you all permission to interject and interrupt this class by shouting “Balls!” at any time for the rest of the year. Sorry, go ahead with your comment.
Diminutive Asian girl: Well, I think that…
English professor: Balls!

www.overheardatyale.com

Overheard by: overheardatyale

Your Backpack, for Instance, Holds a Gram of Weak Pot

International Relations professor: If I was to go to San Diego, or any city I’ve never been to, give me 24 hours and I could tell you what, where, by whom, and how much the drugs are sold for… [Long pause] And, depending on the drug, perhaps even the quality.

http://eavesdropdc.blogspot.com/2007/02/whered-you-get-your-phd-cheech-drug.html

…As General Custer Clearly Stated at the Time.

Student: But why would someone do that?
Teacher: For the LOLs.

High School
Englewood, Colorado

Overheard by: Lee

Genesis Suggests the Lord Had Second Thoughts

Psychology professor, speaking of horrible deaths in the French Revolution: People are terrible…they should have never been invented.

Rutgers University
Newark, New Jersey

Overheard by: Person

What the Hell Is Going on in Illinois?

Professor walking through the hall: Well I guess I’d have to be spanked then.
Asian grad student: That’s why they’re called “accidents”!

University of Illinois

We'll Get You a Milk and an Epi Pen and Let's See What Unfolds

Five-year-old in cafeteria during kindergarten lunchtime: Mr. Greg, my mom didn't put juice in my lunch. Can I get a drink from the cafeteria?
Mr. Greg: Sure, I'll get you something. You want milk?
Five-year-old: Yeah.
Mr. Greg: Regular white milk or chocolate?
Five-year-old: Chocolate.
Mr. Greg: Okay. You're not allergic to chocolate, are you?
Five-year-old: Yeah.
Mr. Greg: You are? Oh, then I'll get you white milk. Are you allergic to white milk?
Five-year-old: Yeah.
Mr. Greg: Oh, then I'd better see if they have juice.
(Mr. Greg goes into the kitchen and comes back with orange juice)
Mr. Greg: Here's some orange juice. You're not allergic to orange juice, are you?
Five-year-old: Yeah.
Mr. Greg: Do you know what “allergic” means?
Five-year-old: No.

Elementary School
Los Angeles, California

I Need Mine To Sign Contracts!

Professor: I'm still on the search for a contortionist, by the way.
Student #1: Aren't all contortionists like really young?
Professor: Are they?
Student #2: Yeah, I'm pretty sure the oldest contortionist is like, 15. Their flexibility has something to do with their age.
Professor: Well, what good would an underage contortionist be?

University of Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: an incredibly amused student

Hey, the Donkey Was Never Able to Make Those Charges Stick

Professor: [the guest speaker] apologized for being so hard on you guys. Although she was kinda drunk when she did…
Student: That kinda compromises her honor.
Professor: Oh, trust me, her honor was compromised long before that.

Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York

I'm Sure Those Of You in Sororities Know Exactly What I'm Talking About

Professor: In the work-a-day world we work a lot through our mouth.

Grand Rapids, Michigan

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