Mom with two kids getting on escalator: Tommy, do you know what this is called? This is an escalator.
Tommy: Escalator.
Mom: Do you know what the opposite of “escalate” is?
(Tommy remains silent)
Mom: Elevate!
Airport
Atlanta, Georgia
Mom with two kids getting on escalator: Tommy, do you know what this is called? This is an escalator.
Tommy: Escalator.
Mom: Do you know what the opposite of “escalate” is?
(Tommy remains silent)
Mom: Elevate!
Airport
Atlanta, Georgia
Stewardess at gate: If everyone can have their boarding passes out and ready for me then I can make this go a lot quicker…and if you don't ask me any stupid questions that would help too, thank you! (smiles and starts scanning passes)
Flight from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Gay male flight attendant: If you'll be requiring wheelchair assistance when we get to Cleveland, please remain seated. Because, if you stand up, we'll assume you've been healed by the Holy Spirit and no longer need our help.
Passengers: (laughter)
Flight attendant: And please keep your seatbelts fastened until we've reached the gate and come to a complete stop.
(man in front row unbuckles his belt)
Flight attendant: Stop it, cheater!
Southwest Airlines Flight
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: Erica
Flight attendant: Please ensure that your mobile phone is switched off for take-off. If you don't know how to turn your phone off, there are plenty of kids on this flight who do.
Adelaide Airport
Australia
Southern stewardess: In case of a water landing occurring in between Tucson and Las Vegas… (pause) If you are traveling with a spouse or ex-wife be sure to put on your own oxygen mask first so that you have an excuse to leave them on their own.
(later)
Southern stewardess: There are six bathrooms on this Boeing 747, feel free to use any of them if you don't like my jokes. (pause) Oh, and if you have any questions don't ask me, I'm new here.
Flight 280
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: kat
Guy #1: Man, it's all cloudy down there.
Guy #2: Yeah…
Guy #1: You know, that's the problem with America… we have a lot of clouds.
Newark Airport, New Jersey
Overheard by: Romulo Escamilla
Chick: You have never truly lived until you have been surrounded by drunk Welsh rugby fans singing I Touch Myself.
International Airport
Denver, Colorado
Airline personnel: We should be boarding the plane at 10:25… If we have a plane.
Airport
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: Burt
Flight attendant, concluding pre-flight safety spiel: For those of you who paid attention: Thank you. And for those of you who did not: Good luck.
International Airport
Honolulu, Hawaii
Overheard by: Eric Dean
Angry traveler: The flight’s canceled because of weather?!? Can’t you do something?
Airline counter man: Ma’am, despite my godlike appearance, I cannot control the weather.
O’Hare Airport
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: He’s not so Godlike
