Teacher: Alright, how many of you have been to a national park?
Student #1: I’ve been to Yellowstone.
Teacher: Okay, good. Anyone else?
Bimbette: Oh, I’ve been to Central Park.
Student #2: That isn’t near anything that has any geographical importance.
Bimbette: Yeah, it does. It’s in Pennsylvania. Duh.
Oklahoma
Overheard by: lauren.
Teen girl: Oh! Cute baby! I want to have a baby!
Her annoyed mom: At what point did I make this look like fun to you?
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Kim
Guy: You know when you do a “Find File” in Windows? Yeah. I want to kill the little animated dog… It bothers me.
Girl: Hahaha… Yeah. It’s better than the paperclip.
Guy: Meh… Only because he doesn’t pop up unexpectedly. Clippy was kind of cool if he weren’t in the way.
Girl: Thats what he wants you to think! He makes you feel bad for hating him!
Guy: Why this makes me want to have an animated kitten running around my desktop, I don’t know. I used to have such a program.
Girl: I had a stripper on my laptop. She danced and stripped whenever music came on.
Guy: You’re such a closet nympho.
Girl: Yeah. For my dreams class, we have to write all our dreams down and share them with the class. Last night I dreamt I was trekking through a jungle in gold prada heels to find my doctor to get an HIV test. I’m not sure I want the class psychoanalyzing that one.
Portland, Maine
Dude carrying Subway sandwich: My ass? No, I wouldn’t expect a girl to be looking at my ass.
Chick carrying Subway sandwich: Oh yeah. Women will look at your ass. But they can’t check out the other thing.
Dude: Well, under certain circumstances . . .
Chick: No, there’s nothing equivalent. There’s no cleavage shot.
Dude: A girl slapped my ass at the gym the other day.
Chick: Oh yeah. That’s right. I have slapped lots of asses.
Howard and New Montgomery
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Cleavage Shots All Around!
Blonde: … And then there was, like, this penis all up in my face, and I was like, ‘But I thought you were a girl…’
Montclair State University
New Jersey
Overheard by: Anna
Girl: I haven't been on a stage since grammar school. Having sex on a stage is so much better than quoting Susan B. Anthony.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Bimbette #1: Chris* has the biggest dick ever. I mean, how does someone’s dick get to be that big?!
Bimbette #2: Yeah, I wonder how that’s determined. Like, what side of the family?
Bimbette #1: Yeah, I don’t think I want to have boys and have to deal with stuff like that… [Trails off as guy in front of them turns his head and then keeps walking. Both girls stop dead in their tracks.]Bimbette #2: Oh my god, that’s him.
University of Texas
Austin, Texas
Girl on phone: Hamster ovaries? Really? I did not know that.
College
Portland, Oregon
Tall brunette: … And so I said I didn’t want herpes, but he was like, ‘Oh, they’re no big deal.’
Short blonde: Well, did you sleep with him?
Tall brunette: Of course I did. Like he said, herpes are no big deal. Just a little itching and stuff… Besides, it’s not like I can ever get them again. It’s like chicken pox — once you get it, you don’t get it again.
Math major nearby, yelling: Do you mind taking your dumb, STD-having ass somewhere I’m not trying to eat?! [Other students cheer.]
Bentley Dining Hall, Lock Haven University
Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Alexander Lepro
Brunette: Was it you that was telling me you told prince charming that you were a whore?
Redhead: You mean Mark*, the rich guy? No, I just told him not to fall in love with me because I was a faithless whore and there was no man on earth worthy of my loyalty. You give a man loyalty and they walk all over you. Besides, I wouldn't describe him as prince charming. More like a toad with money.
Brunette: So you did tell him you were a whore?
Greek Restaurant
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
