Lecturer: People who are happy, hopeful, and relaxed… are a pain in the ass.

New Zealand

Girl playing video game: Some girls just want to get married. I just want fire.

Columbus, Ohio

Overheard by: Kelson

Girl: I feel rather drunk at this conjuncture!

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Claire

Pizza delivery guy, singing, with a handful of Froot Loops: Frooooooot loooooops!
Later, coming out of building: Everybody loves Froooooot Looooooooooops!

Amherst, Massachusetts

Overheard by: chromathegreat

Wife to husband who has been chatting with stranger: Who was that?
Husband: Remember those Dos Equis commercials with the most interesting man in the world?
Wife: Yes.
Husband: That was his antithesis.

Northern Michigan

Overheard by: Kaptain Equinox

Chick: I don't care about what anyone else does. I barely care about what I do.

Fleetwood, New York

Overheard by: Deek

Guy about his brother: His only emotion is glitter.
Friend: That's true of all eight-year-olds.
Guy: No, dude, you don't get it. One. Emotion.

Fairfield, Connecticut

Overheard by: Harry

Loud woman in restaurant: I'm discreet! My ad says I am!

Merrifield, Virginia

Overheard by: Ihatewhores

Crazy homeless lady to well-dressed businessman: Look at you with the coffee, you faggot, you just love dick in your ass!

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: trying to avoid her wrath

Office building tenant: Oh, and I just wanted to let you know there was a fire in the dumpster last week. I looked for the security guard in the building, but couldn't find him. I didn't know who else to notify, so I just went home.

Overheard by: how about 911?