Asian guy: I mean, I'm a nice guy, but I'ma fucking kill you.

Syracuse, New York

Overheard by: Tucker

Loud woman with arms in air: Happy New Year! Happy New Year!
Grumpy man: Fuckin' drunks!
Loud woman: I'm not drunk, I'm Canadian!

Canal Street
New Orleans, Louisiana

Woman on cell: I'm at the library because I'm so fucking pissed off at you!

Library Parking Lot
Tampa, Florida

Overheard by: ISPgypsy

Chick on cell phone: My roommate was rolling a lint roller all over her head for like ten minutes and finally I was like: “What the fuck are you doing? You’re gonna pull all your hair out!” … Haha yeah… She threatened to kill me if I asked her anymore questions… She probably watches me sleep.

UB Bus
Buffalo, New York

Drunk guy at bar: My life is an episode of Friends, only there's no girls, and everyone's Chandler.

Dayton, Ohio

Overheard by: Kristin

Old redneck to wife: I don't need no damn misogynist. I done tried that, and it didn't help.

Greenville, South Carolina

Blonde girl #1: It's like we've tried countless times to get her to stop, and she just calls us “anorexic whores” and tells us she'd rather be “doming up” guys.
Blonde girl #2, laughing: You need a ruin Smurf plan.
Blonde girl #1: But we've tried everything! It's like “get over yourself! You look like a 1980s cartoon character, with uneven boobs and a crazy tan!”


Little girl, running by: She's going to church, I have to stop her!

Lawrence Farms Orchards
New York

Overheard by: MissPinkKate

Pretty girl to boy: How is bottle-feeding a baby hedgehog not on your to-do list?

Fairfield High School
Fairfield, Connecticut

Guy #1: Wow, you like them big.
Guy #2: No, I can do fingers. As long as it's a Chernobyl mate with, like, fifteen of them.


Overheard by: Noel