Clothes

God, I Miss College

College girl: Remember that girl who admitted to stealing my clothes from the laundry room?
Friend: Yeah?
College girl: Well, she finally gave me my clothes back at the end of the semester before she mysteriously disappeared. I was like going through them and I found not just my clothes, but like other people’s clothes too. Not just girls either. I found tighty-whities and shit. But the weirdest part was at the bottom of the basket. There was a plastic bag of jewelry ranging from like cheapo rhinestone shit to like semiprecious stones, a tv remote with no batteries, a crazy-straw, some masking tape, an empty lipstick tube thing, and a handful of Canadian money.

Newark, New Jersey

Good Thing You Weren’t in the Supply Closet an Hour Ago

Teacher: Oh wow, I just noticed that I’m not wearing my wedding ring. I feel half naked… You guys are lucky that I’m not.

Ontario
Canadia

And Mr. Cheney Looks Damn Good in a Black Teddie

Girl: Dude! Satan is in the store! He’s trying on lingerie.

Victoria’s Secret
Bakersfield, California

It’s the Only Weapon the Old Folks Have, and They Use It

Hippie woman on cell: I don’t care what you wear. Just wear something that you’re okay getting Jell-O on… Yes, J-E-L-L-O.

Syracuse, New York

Overheard by: paula-t

I Was an Art History Major

Pre-hipster eyeing Harvard t-shirt: What do you mean you can't afford it? But you graduated from there. Isn't that the whole point of going there?

Prudential Mall
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by:

Why Assless Chaps Exist

Physics professor, talking about static electricity: So why does it work when I'm sliding in a car with carpet seats wearing my wool sweater and not work when I'm sliding in a car with leather seats in my leather outfit?
Students: (shocked silence)
Professor: I mean…I don't…ummmm, moving on…

University of Evansville
Evansville, Indiana

I Like to Tape Pictures to It

Customer #1: Can you tell me about these TVs? Oh, sorry, I thought you worked here. You are dressed just like them.
Customer #2: That's okay. I don't know much about TVs.
Customer #1: What's to know? You plug it in and connect the cable, right? You probably know as much as them. Now these TVs, if they are digital, which they say they are… do I need a cable box for these or do I just put the setting on cable?
Customer #2: I don't know. I don't have a digital TV.
Customer #1: I don't have a TV either. I'm homeless. I have a radio.

Best Buy
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: Scomart

Got My Own Personal Trail Of Tears Over Here

Crazy old white lady trying on wedding veil: So I always wondered why I didn't look good in these things…until 2004.
Disinterested customer: Oh?
Crazy old white lady: Yeah, then I found out I was part Native American. At least 5%.
Disinterested customer (confused): Oh…?
Crazy, old white lady: Yeah. That's why I don't look good in veils. Cause we Native Americans don't wear them.
Disinterested customer: I got married in a courthouse.
Crazy old white lady: I hate to say it since I am part white, but damn those white people!

Goodwill
Altoona, Pennsylvania

For Those Who've Lost Theirs, We Offer Replacements for a Small Fee.

Male flight attendant: Ladies and gentlemen, we have finally arrived at a gate. Please make sure you have all your personal belongings before you disembark: iPods, cell phones, BlackBerrys, small pets, sweaters, sunglasses, and since we just came from Las Vegas, wedding rings. Make sure you get those back on folks.

Oakland Airport, California

Overheard by: kat

As Soon As We Get On, I’m Grabbing a Pole and Ripping Them Off

Chick: Well, my mom wouldn’t let me on the train until I wore pants, so there ya go.

Southmoor station
Aurora, Colorado

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