Professor: In a year or two, you're going to graduate and have to face the hard decision about what to do with your life. Some of you will be lawyers, some of you will be engineers, and some of you will opt for a life of crime. When you do, and you get caught, roll over on the person you're caught with, and ask for absolute immunity. I hope you don't choose a life of crime, but if you do, at least be smart about it.
Pre-law Class
USC
Trendy girl on cell: It was stuck to my boob this morning. I had to go clean it off… it was all bloody and gross. (pause) Right on my boob. I know… Eew!
University of Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: Sarah Neill
Guy: Do you know how I know you were singing correctly?
Girl: You saw me sucking in my stomach?
Guy: No. When you started spitting at me!
Girl: I can't help that I have great diction!
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
College girl: The way I see it, chemistry is just like prostitution.
Northern Michigan University
Overheard by: everyone gets screwed?
Student: What would Elvis say?
Professor: What would Plato say?
Student: What would Butler say?
Campbell: What would Foucault say?
Girl in back row: All I know is he broke a table.
University of Mary Washington
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Overheard by: elvis eavesdropper
Female student: I came home last night and found my roommate sitting on the kitchen floor, crying and holding a bottle of Jägermeister and a recipe for homemade enchiladas.
Dumb friend: I didn't know you made enchiladas with Jägermeister.
University of Colorado, Boulder
Girl to girl and guy: Guys, can I just tell you about my weekend?
(no reply)
Girl again: Can I tell ya'll about my weekend?
(they look at her and nod)
Girl again, whispering: It had to do with a penis…
UNCC Campus
Charlotte, North Carolina
Biology professor: You're getting me all nervous about my penis… Which I measure daily.
Community College
Illinois
Girl in puffy pink coat: I went to Jared's yesterday and I was all like, “you're a jerk.” Know what I mean?
Girl in puffy white coat: I dunno. My nails are orange.
Illinois institute
Overheard by: abbie
Library patron: I'm a molecular biologist. I don't care about things I can see with my eyes.
UC Berkeley
Berkeley, California
Overheard by: MaggieB
