Girl #1: Girl, I am pregnant.
Girl #2: Do you know who the daddy is?
Girl #1: No!
Girl #2: Girl, my doctor told me that when I sleep with a man, to write it on the calendar, so if I get pregnant they can try to find the daddy!
Elevator, Columbus State Community College
Columbus, Ohio
Professor: When I tell people I'm an English professor they always ask what my favorite word is. You know what I tell them? “Fuck” is my favorite word. Also, “lackadaisical.” How about “lackadaisical fuck”? (laughs)
Gordon College
Barnesville, Georgia
Professor: Here's a good thing to compare to the turgor pressure in a plant cell: have any of you seen an erection?
University of Illinois at Chicago
Overheard by: suddenly paying attention
Girl #1: I'll check back. I'll continue to burp regularly and tell you about it.
Girl #2: Please do.
Brock University
St. Catharines, Ontario
Canadia
Economics graduate to friend, looking around sadly at subdued crowd: We should go to the poli sci graduation later. I heard it's riotous.
UCLA
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Another Economics Graduate
Girl to guy: Most Shakespeare works could have totally been done with zombies!
Kennesaw State University, Georgia
Overheard by: Dr. Hypokrit
Guy: Hold my backpack for me.
Turkish girl: No.
Guy: If you hold my backpack for me, I'll let you into the European Union.
Middlebury College
Middlebury, Vermont
Frowning little boy among kids running and playing: I wonder if this building is haunted. (pause) You should really keep an eye out for these things.
University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Psych professor: Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a sexual encounter.
Purdue University
West Lafayette, Indiana
Chick: I chased him into the boys bathroom, and now I'm all wet!
Millsaps College
Jackson, Mississippi
