Coworkers

Female airport screener to male coworker: I swear I’ve only ever touched one in a bag!

Long Beach, California

Overheard by: Evil Penguin

Male coworker: So, wassup?! You holding down the third trimester? You got that thang on lock?!
Preggers coworker: Hell yeah!

Oakland, California
http://community.livejournal.com/overheardincali/29528.html

Woman at counter: [Mumbling.]Clerk: No, we don’t carry weapons here.

Hallmark Store
St. Joseph, Michigan

Overheard by: but if you try the precious moments store…

Old man employee:… So I was at the Cabbage Patch Kid factory in Georgia…
Young trailer trash dude employee: Cabbage Patch Kids?!? I’d rather hold hands with a midget clown than play with one of those things!

Hardware Store
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: kat

Man on phone: Where’s Joey? [To someone at the table] Where’s Joey? [Into phone] He’s in the bathroom trying on a dress.

http://overheardinpdx.blogspot.com/2007/03/which-bathroom.html

Overheard by: bananna lee fishbones

MBA guy: Did you see that George Clooney’s pig died?
MBA gal: I’ll be his pig if he wants. Oink, oink!

http://overheardatkmc.blogspot.com/

Taxi dispatcher to taxi driver: You don’t have to say, ‘Taxi 41 calling.’ I know you’re a taxi. You’re not the streetcar named Desire.

Toronto, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: Thanks for clearing that up

Construction worker #1: There's a lot of sick bastards out there.
Construction worker #2: Not like when we were growing up.
Construction worker #3: That's because the country's got 300 million people now. When we was growing up it only had 150 million. That's why you got three times the number of crazies now.

Oceanside, New York

Taxi dispatcher: Yeah, take your time. No need to kill yourself.
Taxi driver: One more reason not to kill myself. Copy.

Minneapolis, Minnesota

Overheard by: Claiborne

Female violinist, after conductor walks past: Do you ever want to slap Dr. Muller*'s ass? Cause I almost just did.
Female cellist: He has a doctorate in orchestral conducting.
Female violinist: And an ass I want to tap right now.

College Orchestra Tour Bus
Clive, Iowa