Customers

Little old lady to cashier: Satan puked here.

Rapid City, South Dakota

20-something client: How do you spell “Matthew?”
Confused staff: Matthew? As in a person's name? Like “Matthew Perry” Matthew?
20-something: Yeah, it's my middle name and I want to put it on my resume. Does it have two t's or one?

Unemployment Centre
Ontario
Canadia

Life insurance rep: So how many cigarettes do you smoke a day?
Young woman: Oh, maybe like three or four…
Life insurance rep: Oh, that's cute.

Jersey City, New Jersey

Coffee shop employee: Sir, are you a cop?
Customer: No. Why do you ask?
Coffee shop employee looking at badge on customer’s shirt: I saw your thingy.
Customer, looking down at his fly: What?!

Covington, Louisiana

Eurotrash: Can we sit outside? We want to smoke.
Hostess: Sorry, the patio just closed.
Eurotrash: If I tell you you’re pretty, would you let us sit outside?
Hostess: I can’t let you do that, sir.
Eurotrash: You are very pretty.
Hostess: I’ll see what I can do.

Restaurant
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: flossy.

Customer: My therapist wants me to start thinking of men as friends. Seriously though, if you can’t fuck’em, what’s the point?

Espresso Drive Thru
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: The Barista Who Loves Her Job

Waitress to guy wearing a Soviet hockey jersey: CCCP? Who's that?
Customer: It's the Soviet Union.
Waitress: Oh, are they playing the Caps tonight?

eavesdropdc.blogspot.com

Girl to waitress: So the baby's a cute little bugger. They don't know who he looks like yet.

Olive Garden
Davenport, Iowa

Overheard by:

Customer pointing to guacamole: Can you put some of that Guatemala on it?

Chipotle
Washington, DC

Frazzled female customer: Oh, you have to change my last name on the account, too. I got divorced…
Sales assistant: Congratulations!

Verizon Wireless
Charlotte, North Carolina

Overheard by: i just want my phone upgrade