Life insurance rep: So how many cigarettes do you smoke a day?
Young woman: Oh, maybe like three or four…
Life insurance rep: Oh, that's cute.

Jersey City, New Jersey

Coffee shop employee: Sir, are you a cop?
Customer: No. Why do you ask?
Coffee shop employee looking at badge on customer’s shirt: I saw your thingy.
Customer, looking down at his fly: What?!

Covington, Louisiana

Eurotrash: Can we sit outside? We want to smoke.
Hostess: Sorry, the patio just closed.
Eurotrash: If I tell you you’re pretty, would you let us sit outside?
Hostess: I can’t let you do that, sir.
Eurotrash: You are very pretty.
Hostess: I’ll see what I can do.

Toronto, Ontario

Overheard by: flossy.

Customer: My therapist wants me to start thinking of men as friends. Seriously though, if you can’t fuck’em, what’s the point?

Espresso Drive Thru
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: The Barista Who Loves Her Job

Waitress to guy wearing a Soviet hockey jersey: CCCP? Who's that?
Customer: It's the Soviet Union.
Waitress: Oh, are they playing the Caps tonight?

Girl to waitress: So the baby's a cute little bugger. They don't know who he looks like yet.

Olive Garden
Davenport, Iowa

Overheard by:

Customer pointing to guacamole: Can you put some of that Guatemala on it?

Washington, DC

Frazzled female customer: Oh, you have to change my last name on the account, too. I got divorced…
Sales assistant: Congratulations!

Verizon Wireless
Charlotte, North Carolina

Overheard by: i just want my phone upgrade

Customer, bursting through door: Is there a gentleman here named “male libido?”
Bartender: Yep!

Prescott, Arizona

Overheard by: The Colinator

Male customer: Do you have any more of those flying penises?

New Hope, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: wait…whaaaat?!