Student: Professor, will you be able to answer e-mails while you are away, since our final is in a week?
Uncomfortable Japanese professor with strange British/Japanese accent: No, I will not be able to answer students’ e-mails because most of the time I come home I am drunk.
Students: [Incredulous silence. Laughter.]
Philosophy class
McGill University
Canadia
Overheard by: student who hated this prof until this comment…
Girl sat in pub garden by canal, on date: So what's the difference between canal water and normal water then?
Guy, on date: Well, because canal boats are long and thin, they can't float in normal water. It's a special form of water that sir isaac newton made in the late seventeenth century – h3o. The extra hydrogen is in there because it makes the water more silky, and stops the canal boats from sinking.
Girl on date: Ooooh… I see. That makes sense (pointing at canal) hey look at that duck!
Guy on date: That's not a duck, its a quorn.
Girl: Quorn? Like the food? I thought that was vegetarian?
Guy, totally straight faced: It is vegetarian. The quorn is a vegetarian relation of the quail.
Girl: Ooooh… It's cute!
Rural Pub, Warwickshire, England
Overheard by: Bleep
Waitress to guy wearing a Soviet hockey jersey: CCCP? Who's that?
Customer: It's the Soviet Union.
Waitress: Oh, are they playing the Caps tonight?
eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
College girl #1: So I met up with Jeremy last night.
College girl #2: Ah, the one with the small penis. Wait… No, Adam has the small dick. Jeremy’s the bad kisser, right?
College girl #1: To be fair, they’re both bad kissers. But yeah, Adam’s the one with the small dick.
Coffee shop
Iowa City, Iowa
Winn Dixie greeter to two non-smiling girls, cheerfully: Welcome to Winn Dixie, keep those smiles on. Keep the joy alive.
Sunrise, Florida
Overheard by: The kill-joys
20-something black girl to friends: You know fuckin Jewish people teach their kids algebra in like kindergarten.
Friend: Yup.
Hofstra University
New York
Overheard by: Big Jewish Dave
Hobo to pretty girl walking by: You remind me of Mona Lisa! Man, I wish I were that pretty!
Mass Ave
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Michelle
Lady on loudspeaker: The train on platform 3 is going to Edgeware Road. The train on platform 4 is for Embankment Station. District Line services are not running between Embankment and Whitechapel. Platform 3 is for Edgeware Road, platform 4 is for Embankment. If you are still on this platform after these trains leave, you are lost and confused and need to find a member of staff.
Earl's Court Station
London
England
Blonde girl #1: It's like we've tried countless times to get her to stop, and she just calls us “anorexic whores” and tells us she'd rather be “doming up” guys.
Blonde girl #2, laughing: You need a ruin Smurf plan.
Blonde girl #1: But we've tried everything! It's like “get over yourself! You look like a 1980s cartoon character, with uneven boobs and a crazy tan!”
Toronto
Canadia
Biochemistry lecturer, talking about his cholesterol issues: So I was trying to figure out how I could blame this on my wife.
University of Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: pink sunnies
