Family ties

She Keeps a Pearl-Handled Revolver in Her Clutch for Just Such Occasions

Cashier: Did you find everything you were looking for?
Old lady: Yes. Actually, no! You don't have any vanilla frozen yogurt! You have every other flavor (getting worked up) I have a coupon for frozen yogurt! (waves it in cashier's face)
Cashier: Uh…I'm sorry! (sends a carryout to look for vanilla frozen yogurt)
Old lady: At least you had flat-iron chicken. You didn't have it last time. (glares)
Old lady's son, in a whisper: I'm glad you had flat-iron chicken, or I don't know what we would have done!

Springboro, Ohio

Overheard by: Never knew frozen yogurt was so important

Like the Dirty Little Republican You Are

(attractive couple are making out against a car. The girl's phone goes off.).
Girl: Hello? Hey, mom. No, I'm still at school. Rehearsal's going to be late today. Yeah, I'll call you. Bye!
Guy: I love when you lie.

Houston, Texas

Fuck It, You Know What? I Did

Guy on cell: Did they sell their house? (pause) Ohhh, they couldn't sell the house! (pause) Yeah…that makes sense! Ain't nobody can't get credit now, ho! (pause) Wait, I didn't mean to call you a ho, grandma.

http://eavesdropdc.blogspot.com/

Dos Cervezas, Por Favor!

Four-year-old boy, excitedly, as he and his family are being seated: Beer! Beer! Dad, they have beer here!

El Metate Mexican Restaurant
Soddy-Daisy, Tennessee

Overheard by: Mrs. H.

It's A Little Funny?

Father on phone to wife: No, it was at dinner, and then this drunk at the next table made a comment about our son. No. He said Josh looked like “a retarded page from the dark ages.” That's not funny. (long pause) I'll schedule him for a haircut tomorrow.

Pennsylvania

Every Mission Impossible Sequel Is Weaker Than the Last

Small child: Hey, dad, can we take the quarters out of the fountain?
Father: Not now. That's what we do after dark, when we put our ski masks on.

http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/overheardinminneapolis/~3/465751887/bring-your-kid-to-work-day.html

Overheard by: rappeling from the ceiling for spare change.

I Was Like, “Tommy, Can You Feel Me?”

Male thug #1: So, am I the dad?
Male thug #2: You and all? Who else have you fucked?
Male thug #1: I know she fucked Tommy as well.
Girl thuggete: He never fucked me, he only fingered me.

Hospital
Newcastle
England

Overheard by: Judge Mental

That Paperclip Chain Won't Build Itself, You Know

Woman on cell: You know, Corey, when I get a call at work saying my son has been stabbed, I expect it to be more than just a puncture wound. Don't waste my time with that shit.

Florence, Kentucky

Overheard by: Jesus Freak

In Providence, The Living Will Envy the Dead

Soccer mom to group of children: Okay, who's dead?
Several of the children, excitedly: I'm dead! I'm dead!

Outisde Trinity Rep
Providence, Rhode Island

Overheard by: Katie M

So Now He Must Be Punished

Four-year-old girl: What about Steven?!
Six-year-old girl: He's my new boyfriend, and I told his sister that I love him but she didn't tell him. But he's my boyfriend and he doesn't know it.

Pennsylvania

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