Doughnuts, at Least, Are Cheaper by the Dozen

Mother to daughter: And soon you'll be having babies…
Daughter's friend: I want a baby.
Daughter: What?!
Friend: Actually I want a doughnut, but no one was listening to me.

Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: and i want a pony

Posted on December 6, 2020
Canadia, Family, Food, Friends, Moms, Parenting, Pregnancy, Wishes

Is This Quote Culinary Erotica? Discuss.

Girl #1: I don't know if I want cookie dough, I'd rather make cookies.
Girl #2: Oh, man. It's totally carnal, the things I wanna do to that cookie dough. I want it on my face.
(five minutes later)
Girl #1: Okay, I want some cookie dough.
Girl #2: I thought you didn't want any!
Girl #1: You gave such a rave review of the cookie dough on your face that I entertained the possibility that I, too, might want it on my face.

Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Lisa

Posted on December 5, 2020
Food, Girls, Massachusetts, Weirdness, Wishes

Jared Took Silver at the TMI Olympics

Boy, returning from the washroom: I had the mini-barfs!

Sam Woo Restaurant
Mississauga
Canadia

Posted on December 4, 2020
Canadia, Food, Health & Hygiene, Teens, Weirdness

The R&B Hit That's Sweeping Wisconsin

Man in crowd of bar patrons leaving after last call, singing: It's ti-ime for the pizza store, it's ti-ime for the pizza store… I don't even care where we go, I just got to get some cheese on my dick. I'm just gonna stick it in. I'm serious, let's go, get that in an oven and roast it. Let's get it in an oven… and roast it like a cherry tomato.

Madison, Wisconsin

Posted on November 25, 2020
Clients, Compare and contrast, Food, Penis, Singing, Weirdness, Wisconsin

…Bowser

Little boy to grandma: Once, when I was camping, I sat on my biscuits, then I put my biscuits on a rock and ate them like a dog.
Grandma: Oh, uh… That's nice…

Australia

Posted on November 14, 2020
Animals, Australia, Family, Food, Kids, Memory lane, Pride

Like Having Grandma Sit on Your Face

Hostess describing rose and black lady tea combo: Smells like rose, tastes like lady.

Beijing
China

Posted on October 20, 2020
China, Default, Food, Language barrier, Sensory experiences, Women, Words

Well, I Got a Lap Dance in the Buffet Line

Girl one: Smell my face. Smell right here. Doesn’t it smell great? The stripper I got a lap dance from was wearing great perfume.
Girl two: It smells like pickles.

Toby Keith’s Restaurant
Las Vegas, Nevada

Overheard by: At least it doesn’t smell like tuna

Posted on October 13, 2020
Compare and contrast, Dancing, Default, Food, Girls, Nevada, Restaurants, Sensory experiences, Sexuality

She May Have Put Her Pie on Your Pie

Roommate #1 looking at crater-filled pie in freezer: Dude, what did you do to this pie?
Roommate #2: Me and Erin* kinda went at it…
Roommate #3: Oh, yeah? What else did you guys do?
Roommate #2: …with a spoon.

Bayonne, New Jersey

Posted on October 10, 2020
Food, Guys, New Jersey, Sex

Guess What I’ve Done with the Butter Dispenser

Popcorn hater: Oh my god! You’re going to walk out of there with a popcorn-bag fashioned diaper, aren’t you?
Popcorn enthusiast: It’s supportive and delicious!

Tempe, Arizona

Overheard by: Meghan

Posted on September 19, 2020
Arizona, Creepsters, Default, Food, Weirdness

…Since I Accepted Homer Simpson As My Personal Savior

Teenage girl #1: He hates me.
Teenage girl #2: He doesn’t hate you. Maybe you should just say “hi” to him.
Teenage girl #1: How am I supposed to say “hi”? I have voices in my head saying “I want cheeseburgers”!

Canberra
Australia

Posted on September 15, 2020
Advice, Australia, Default, Feelings, Food, Friends, Girls, Teens

Food