Loud 50-something woman, happy and upbeat: I'm just sad. And lonely!
Lafayette, Louisiana
Tall goth girl to rotund, geeky friend: She’s a fat black goth! Kinda like if you, me, and Bill Cosby joined forces.
Denver, Colorado
High school girl #1: I hate how everyone judges you based on your grades.
High school girl #2: What?
High school girl #3: Well, okay. By “everyone,” I mean Asians.
Walter Johnson High School
Maryland
Loud woman with arms in air: Happy New Year! Happy New Year!
Grumpy man: Fuckin' drunks!
Loud woman: I'm not drunk, I'm Canadian!
Canal Street
New Orleans, Louisiana
Mother: That dress is cheap — cheap like the cigarette cartoons in my mother’s freezer.
Daughter: It’s prom. You’re supposed to look cheap.
Salt Lake City, Utah
Lazy girl: So, I told my mom that you and I were going to take tennis lessons together in the summer.
Workout friend: Oh, yeah? What did she say?
Lazy girl: She just laughed at me.
Workout friend: Why?
Lazy friend: She said I was too slow, uncoordinated, and she didn’t outright say it, but I’m sure she thinks I’m mildly retarded.
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: A mild case of the ADD
College dude: She needs to get her fuckin’ face smashed in. She’s such a stupid bitch.
Friend: Who?
College dude: Janet*. I fuckin’ hate her. This is fuckin’ bullshit. [To other friend across the library] Hey, shut the fuck up down there!
577 Western Avenue
Westfield, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Annie
Obese John Wayne wannabe: I can’t believe we are not hanging out tonight.
Gap tooth hootchie: I told you I made plans with my friends a month ago!
Obese John Wayne wannabe: Well you’re supposed to be hanging out with me. We never hang out anymore and we are boyfriend and girlfriend!
Gap tooth hootchie: We were supposed to hang out this past Saturday and Sunday but we didn’t! You were not fucking there.
Obese John Wayne wannabe: I had a change of plans!
Gap tooth hootchie: Change of plans?! Muthafucker you were in jail!
Bus
Iowa State University, Iowa
Overheard by: Casey
Guy on cell, buying whipped cream, 24-pack of beer, and box of condoms: I am so over that bitch. Yeah, tonight is gonna be great! Finally, a night where I can do whatever I want without her bitching about it. Yeah, come over whenever. And bring some friends.
Grocery store
Syracuse, New York
High school girl, ranting to friend about biology class: It's *so* annoying…I hate evolution! He goes all into the *designing* of a cell and I'm like “God created it and that's all we need to know.” We don't have to go all hi-def into it!
Lancaster Mennonite HIgh School
Lancaster, Pennsylvania
