Music history professor, putting a CD in the player: And now we pray to the god of CDs. It’s not good to be a teacher with CDs. They are very stupid things. [Pause.] …It’s not good to be a teacher, perhaps that’s what it is.
Peabody Conservatory
Baltimore, Maryland
Passenger to attendant: Excuse me? They turned the movie off.
Attendant: Yes, we're landing earlier than thought.
Passenger: Oh, but the movie wasn't over.
Attendant: Sorry about that, but we need to turn it off for descent.
Passenger: But I was watching it!
Attendant: I am very sorry, but since we have started our descent…
Passenger, interrupting: But now I don't know how it ends!
Attendant: They all lived happily ever after.
Qantas Flight to Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Seat 14 F
Guy on cell: Oh, for fuck’s sake! Is it a lesbian wedding? … Is it a lesbian wedding? Then fuck it!
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Mephisto
Dude whining about a girl: That’s how she does it, man. That’s her opus miranda.
Spadina street car
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Fuel
Girl: I was like, ‘What the fuck,’ you know? There’s nothing wrong with me — they’re the stupid bitches! [People in cafeteria stare, and guy in corner starts cracking up.] Oh my god, is everyone here retarded?
Cafeteria, Thomas Nelson Community College
Virginia
Train driver: This train is being taken out of service. Brigham Circle will be the last stop for this train. Don't hate the player, hate the game!
E Train
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: camille
Guy #1 (after guy #2 leaves): Man, I hate him so much.
Girl: What? Why?
Guy #1: Ever since he fell out that window and almost died and shit, girls have been all over him. He's a goddam womanizer.
Girl: He is pretty cute.
Houston, Texas
20-something suit on cell (angrily): But mom, you don't understand! Everyone I know is already on the folk dancing team!
Brigham Young University
Provo, Utah
Guy #1: God, that burns! Chlamydia’s a bitch! You ever get chlamydia?
Guy #2: Nah, man. I don’t fuck sluts.
Guy #1: Well, I do!
College Park, Maryland
